Yes, I realize that I have been absent for two whole months; allow me to utilize the cheap-ass, cliché excuse of studying for English orals (not like that you pervert). Besides, nobody reads this garbage anyway; and if someone does, then they deserve much worse punishment than waiting a long time for some asshole to do the equivalent of graffitying all over other people’s hard work.
For today we shall dig deep into the depths that is the NC Fan Comix Forum, where this probably young gentleman uses another man’s characters and setting for unspeakable acts of evil—comics so vile that my computer had problems simply opening the folder I saved these dregs in. I’m not making that up; although I think my computer being an ancient piece of shit might have contributed to that conundrum.
As a little warning, you may not find this article incredibly entertaining—probably even less entertaining than this comic, which truly is an achievement on my part. If you find that you despise it beyond vindication, you can always write an article mocking my article mocking someone’s webcomic—and to stifle any skepticism, yes, somebody has truly done this.
#1: Tempers Flare
Maybe I’m giving Jay Resop too much credit because I feel for him after the government made him “disappear”, but I’m pretty sure Fred had more characterization than liking tacos. I would give him credit for actually drawing emotions on the characters, unlike Res… no. No, I don’t give him any credit at all. Sorry.
Dark Miser says:
I’d like to see where this goes.
(Side note: I don’t think anyone outside of VGF has ever used my sprites)
No. No, there is nothing right here. All ye who enter, abandon ship now; my shitty senses indicate that this will go south.
I wonder.. Who DID invite him?
I also wonder what imaginary people do. No, seriously, I’m not fucking kidding—I wanna God damn know what the fuck that fat asshole’s doing here. I need cheat notes for my twelfth grade IB English class: We’re studying NC Fan Comix. For instance, the author’s use of the misspelling “shotrtly” is not an error, but a foreshadowing of the corruption that will come over NC Land near the end of the comic.
#2: Evil Intentions
In the first panel, Dr. Donez speaks in feminine iambic pentameter, showing the vulnerability he has, which is ironic, due to the use of confident diction, such as “little”. Mario’s scream “AHHHHHHH!!!!” contains seven H’s. Seven is a lucky number, foreshadowing Mario’s future victory over the corrupt NC Land. It has four exclamation marks, four being a symbol for uncertainty, symbolizing the secret uncertainty Mario has for the future of both NC Land and the Marioverse.
For structure, the author makes the panels go straight down to symbolize the steep fall NC Land is going down as it becomes more and more corrupt.
Mmm… Tacos? Pasta? I WANT PIZZA!
Well, looks like Donez can’t get out of range, now!
This is a serious literary discussion, asshole. We don’t just describe the plot. God, you must be in the regular English class.
#3: Zoned Out
Look out, Fred; it’s a poorly drawn purple blob!
So are Donez and Mario dead now?
Donez, just like the rest of NC, sure fucking is.
Random User says:
Maybe, maybe not. That will be answered in the next one.
Hey! I expect some spoilers warning there, asshole. Then again, it’s not like I didn’t just watch the film version and pretend that I read the book.
YAY! A COMIC OTHER THAN MINE THAT’S BEEN UPDATED IN THE PAST MONTH!
Wow, way to reach for the stars there. Don’t keep your expectations too high. Don’t speak in all caps, either, dumb ass.
#4: Doing Something
I’m not sure what a “wonaderful” day for a walk is, but I shall surmise that it would not include being assaulted by shitty MS Paint effects.
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupdaaaaaaaaaaaateeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeee on a comic.
Anyway, good. (You might have things wrong with it, but I don’t care, so I’m not looking.)
Let me just say that I fucking love this comment: “You might have things wrong with it, but I don’t care, so I’m not looking.” Well, there may be flaws in this comic, but I’ll just pretend they don’t exist. That’s some laughably awful critiquing—even compared to mine. I mean, come on, he pretty much said, “I’m too lazy to analyze this comic, but I want to look nice, so I’ll just say it’s great. Then again, we just saw what kind of low standards apparently-not-MeowMan has. He/she/it does realize that there are thousands of comics out there, many of which also update regularly, also, right?
Random User—probably user of some drug—neglected (pun not intended) to entitle this strip, so I elect “Wanking to NC Canon” as its official name. For the record, I have nothing against NC—in fact, as someone who has actually read the authentic comics, I am partially offended by this lackluster portrayal of Resop’s characters, if not for the fact that its the good kind of laughably awful, which ironically makes it perfect for NC.
I mean, seriously, who would ask Fred what it is like being the most awesome Spanyard in the world? If I recall, the world at large couldn’t give two flying fucks about him. Why’s he on C-Span, other than to perpetuate a pointless running gag? And don’t get me started on Jill, who usually cannot stand Fred, not being his girlfriend. Random User took a mainly loser character and turned him into some shitty Mary Sue, which I guess is par for the course in fan works—especially fan works of fan works. That still doesn’t make it right.
And don’t get me started on that fucking cunt shit cock ass “I am your father” bull shit—that “joke” automatically costs any offender a quadrillion points in my book, which is a horror novel, by the way. Also, in regards to Butch, here’s a Fun tip: Just dumping NC canon into the comic does not constitute humor; have an original idea once in your life.
Well, duh! He’s dreaming!
Oh… Now it makes sense, I guess… That “I am your father” bull shit is still fucking ass. I have nothing against Star Wars; I have something against hackneyed “pop culture” references that everyone and their mother use. Stupid clichés like these just stick out like a sore thumb.
Alright, dude; this comic is motherfucking gnarly!
May I ask what is wrong with Donez’ sprite—because I have a fucking guess what it is.
And who wants to bet that Random User’s depiction of Communists will not include any actual satire of Communists, which would actually make the point relevant.
OH LORDS NC IN HIGH DEFINITION
OH LORDS NO USE OF PUNCTUATION OR PROPER SYNTAX.
Finally. Also, my comic is now inactive.
Enough about this comic, let’s talk about my comic in someone else’s thread for no reason.
Fred is purple
Thought-provoking analysis. Actually, Bill magically changed his color, too; what, are they taking after Michael Jackson? Next comic they’ll probably die from an overdose of those pills Dr. Mario throws at viruses.
That’s how he is in the games.
But not in the comic, he was that weird-ass mix of gray and green. Seriously, what did Resop do to these sprites? Bugzys certainly do not appear that way in any copy of Kirby’s Adventure that I have ever played.
FRED. IS. GREEN.
How many times must we explain this to you!?
Apparently only once.
[A bunch of nugatory shit skipped.]
Yeah, I also was wondering about that. Other than that, this comic seems cool and I can’t wait to see what happens. Well, no, that’s a big lie, I could wait for like 3 months. But still.
Okay, so inconsistent colors is the one aspect where NC Fan Comix forumers—whatever they call themselves, I have no idea—draw the line. Not at that “I am your father” bull shit?
That’s not the real Fred, it must be an evil clone.
That would explain the inconsistent depiction of Fred’s characterization. Well, other than plain incompetence.
On that note, Churro’s mask should be oranger. I thought it was Donez for a second.
Um, Churro’s sprite is resized so that it looks like he is mutated and you complain that his mask is not orange enough. These people sure choose the oddest aspects to criticize. Then again, at least he’s not taking Not-MeowMan’s philosophy of bull shit critiquing to heart.
Okay, enough of this bull shit. Random User has spared us from any more of his atrocities… for now.
-JJW Mezun (Originally Published: February 28, 2010)