NC Fan Comix Shorts (Archive)

Within Jay Resop’s intellectualist opus, Neglected Mario Characters Comix—misspelling “comix” since 1998—he began a series called NC Shorts, which were, well, short. Unfortunately, after Resop’s run in with the mob, he was assassinated, and now his fans have taken it upon themselves to respark his former glory by concocting their own fan shorts within their forum, where apparently “no idiots are allowed”, a rule that seems to be broken all of the fucking time, apparently. This is the story of those magical maybe-comics.

By the way, I would love to give special thanks to all of the brave souls who sacrificed their dignity to post these, um, “unique” treasures and totally fucking optimized them shittily—as in every fucking short was a JPEG, the majority of which are flat colors, which should be GIFs and PNGs. With the power of GIMP, Photoshop 7, and common sense, I was able to save the reader from having to wait eons just to read this garbage. Unfortunately, I was not able to save you from actually reading these comics. Anyway, next time I expect the person(s) whom I mock mercilessly to have a little more courtesy to optimize their comics so they don’t take two thousand years to load. It is the least you could all do for shoving the shit you call a “comic” in your readers faces (and I’m talking to everyone reading this; face it, your comic is shit—I can already tell). And remember, knowing is half the battle.

Remember, if you cannot conjure up competent comedy, just make your characters act like sociopaths. Mario’s having seizures? Hilarious!

Well, in defense of Luigi, Mario should have known better than to watch Pokémon. He knew the risk.

Ho, ho, ho. Maybe you could write a better joke to start with—and maybe not name yourself after apparel. What is he, a member of some new fascist group?*

*[Ed. I have later realized that apparently there was really a group named the “Red Shirts” in Italy, except before the Black Shirts under Mussolini. Just telling you so you do not e-mail me about it. Still, I think Mussolini’s funnier than the real Red Shirts, anyway.

Luigi “Redshirt” Mussolini, grandson of Benito Mussolini, says:

Well no one was posting so…

That’s because they have more dignity than to hang around a fan “comix” forum… heh, unlike me, I guess.

Great job, Laika Come Home, you repeated a joke somebody already did before you. Isn’t that special.

Il Nuovo Duce, Redshirt, says:

At least “I” used sprites, this is the comic/spriting forum you know.

This actually brings up the humorous point that considering that these are all single panel, technically none of these are even comics, but cartoons—that is, if you base your definition of “comic” on Eisner/McCloud’s definition.

Let’s write a joke instead.

“I thought you said ‘Blurry, low-resolution highway.”




Have you ever read either Scott McCloud’s Understanding Comics or Making Comics (Seeking Attension is passe sure as shit hasn’t)? I think this comic is trying to demonstrate the Non Sequitur type of transitions. If you can find any semblance of relevance between any of those panels, I would love to hear it.

But because I am a professional sprite comic critic (like these people are professional sprite comic creators), I shall attempt to analyze this deep work.

Panel 1: Luigi, still apparently a psychopath, chases Mario with a gun. Tailless word bubble; text crammed in corner of word bubble. What is humorous about this panel? That Luigi is an asshole? Perhaps it is irony, contrasted with Luigi’s canonical characterization as a grade-A pussy. Never mind, though, there are still three more panels in which to satisfy the humor quota.

Panel 2: Koopas magically appear on both sides of Luigi, Mario disappears, same dumb ass problems with the dialogue bubbless as before. Now, what is funny here? That Luigi or Mario is a magician? That the Koopas are zombies who want to eat Luigi (hint: It isn’t funny)? Well, even though there exists little hope that this set-up can be saved, Seeking Overly Long Names is “passe” might still be able to turn this around in the following two panels.

Panel 3: Piranha Plants magically warped on both sides of Mario, or Mario took a warp pipe off screen, even though there is no pipe visually present? There still is no apparent humor.

Panel 4: Okay, this is actually kind of funny. But why did he/she/it need all of that bull shit earlier? The comic could have just been this panel and it would have just as much merit—more, in fact, since there would be less garbage diluting the overall piece.

Help! I’m trapped in a blurry JPEG with half-assed MS Paint scribbles in front of me!

DarkZero says:

^^ and ^, good job.

Well ^ you, too. I don’t take that kind of crap from someone who can’t even resize his avatar correctly, or use spaces in their name.

1-up salesman says:

LOL AWESOME

I honestly think “1-up salesman” is just an automatic browser-bot, based on the incredibly creative—and useful!—comment he gave. Keep making sure that your shitty photo/sprite montages are “awesome” and make people laugh out loud, Redshirt. And make sure your gang beats the shit out of more of those God damn Commies.

Uggh. Okay, first of all, you can hardly even see the graffiti, thanks to DarkZero not understanding how colors work. Second, this “joke”—and I put those quotation marks there for a reason—does not work very well. It is very likely that someone could have framed Wario. For instance, I find it hard to believe that Wario could spray paint in perfect Comic Sans MS—which is the font that all gangs use when they want to look bad-ass, by the way.

Oh, and that look shitty-looking Sonic recolor gives the reader compels me to regurgitate. Why stop there? Why not add a laugh track? Or do what that dumb ass Commander Chaos does and write “This comic is funny” all over your comic. Maybe reality will one day shift and people will actually be stupid enough to be brainwashed into believing that statement.

The new new Roman Emperor, Redshirt, says:

sorry but I don’t see how that’s funny

Finally, somebody makes a sane argument.

DarkZero says:

Note the graffiti.

That’s a little hard, if you haven’t noticed. More like “Note the bad use of contrast”.

Redshirt says:

oh

Redshirt’s just pausing to plan his way to make another Matteotti out of DarkZero for his dissent against our fantisimo leader.

DarkZero says:

The ones who talk most have nothing to say. -Charles Yung

“To put cite random people for no logical reason is ridiculous,” Professor Drosilemyre

Ehh, it’s not too bad. Honestly, I just refuse to comment on this, because I left the parliament of web comics in protest over what Redshirt did to Matteotti… er, DarkZero. Actually, I should probably thank him for anything he does to get that unfunny fuck out of the picture. Being a fuck—much less an unfunny one—is no laughing matter. And I am an expert at being unfunny—you can plainly see that. You can also see an overuse of dashes, which I hear is a Post Modernist device.

Creating unfunny sprite comics is not Post Modernism, though. It cannot be stated enough that having a character act zany while another asks him if he took any drugs is always a knee-slapper. Actually, it is more akin to a slap in the fucking face. And slaps in the face are not Post Modernist—unless each slap is fragmented, or slapping someone in the face is a symbol for some shit.

1-up salesman says:

LOL

Seriously, this is an automatic machine run by Flatterbox Incorporated. (1-up salesman is copyright Flatterbox Inc. © 2010. All rights reserved.)

I swear to God (And Xenu) that these comics will give me cancer. It is as if DarkZero hugs his copy of “101 Shitty, Cliché Comic Ideas” as he designs these treasures. What piece of this work compelled him to infer that it contained humor? That dumb ass Sonic from that shitty “Wario Wuz Not Funny” comic dressing as a female? Why not have him crunch on a carrot and ask “What’s up, Doc?”? Why not just have that fucked-up version of Luigi put a whoopee cushion under his ass? Why not write an actual joke? So many questions, not enough ti

1-up salesman says:

LOLagain

MY MOTHERBOARD’S INTERPRETATION OF THAT MIXTURE OF ILLUSTRATION AND VERBAGE WAS THAT IT CONTAINED A SUBSTANTIAL AMOUNT OF HUMOROUS CONTENT.

Xenu, even the sun is pissed off at this joke. It’s bad enought that you cannot comprehend English muy mucho. I wish I was that Shy Guy right now.

DarkZero says:

Love the file name.

That’s confidential information, commie spy! Hasn’t Redshirt beaten you dead yet?

Anyway, I will give Frumie credit; at least he’s at ease with his shitty comic. I mean, let’s face it: Once you put your comic up on some little forum for three people and some pathetic asshole typing various ways to say “this sucks”, you’ve kind of already established that you yourself do not view your work as Shakespearean.

The Following User Says Thank You to DarkZero For This Useful Post: 1-up salesman

YOUR STATEMENT WAS EFFICIENTLY PRACTICAL.

1-up salesman computes:

^

Hey! We don’t use that kind of language in this forum! Actually, I think that’s supposed to be some ancient programming code.

Or too lazy to come up with a new concept. Oh well, at least our Fascist friend’s lampshading wonder is a step up from “dress up as woman” and “Words on a wall” classics courtesy of DarkZero.

1-up salesman printfs:

LOL That was awesome lol

Really now, does this guy have his mouth surgically attached to these peoples’ asses? You could at least take the time to describe why you thought it was “LOL awesomelol”. I guess we’ll just have to wait for Version 2.1 to come out.

DarkZero says:

^^That’s why I have the mask.

^^So I can use weird-ass symbols before my comments. This isn’t a computer command, DarkZero—you’re not programming 1-up salesman.

Speaking of 1-up salesman…

E=MC2

Thank you for that equation; now graph me y = 2x^2 + 4x + 8.

DarkZero replies:

Don’t think editing your post helps anything.

I’ll concoct a humorous comment on this, um, comment, once I figure out just what the fuck he is talking about. There is some “The Waste Land” shit going on here.

Erasure says:

best comic ever

Yes, works such as Maus or Lackadaisy pale in comparison to this magnificent opus.

See? I told you that shit DarkZero cranks out is causing cancer!

Erasure says:

WTF realistic

Yeah, man; what the fuck? I wasn’t expecting any of this realistic shit to fester our lovely forum. Draw something as beautiful as a lemming with a stupid mask getting hit by a baseball and then maybe you’ll get an Eisner.

Thank you for showing off your plagiarist skills, Redshirt. I am sure the person you replaced with your image was the Trotsky to your Stalin; someone who failed to wrestle control out of your marvelous, totalitarian control.

I don’t want to know about her blowing anything, thank you.

The Following User Says Thank You to Redshirt For This Useful Post: 1-up salesman

Yes, 1-up salesman, posting comics is very useful—unlike thanking someone for doing what you’re supposed to do in the fucking forum all of the God damn time. I’m just hoping he’s glitched.

Okay, fuck what I said earlier; this is Waste Land shit right here. I’ll just say that the author’s use of blurry, ugly jpegs is meant to symbolize what a hack these comic creators are.

Redshirt decrees:

^^ HA-ha, I don’t know why it’s funny but it is.

I would answer “that’s because it is not”, but I laugh whenever my great Roman emperor laughs, because I don’t want to have my head on a platter.

Has this ever happend to you?

Can we at least write a joke and say that we did? Because all of this not-laughing really gets me down. In defense of Redshirt, I am not sure what went wrong here; molten cheese has always been so hilarious that nobody ever had to think up an actual clever joke to go along with it. Nope, just molten cheese. No need for any of that other extraneous bull shit.

Erasure says:

Why, yes. Yes it has.

I was about to concur, but then I remembered that I was never in front of an endless white void. So close, though.

When the baddies get bigger.

When the shorts get lamer.

Trainbreaker says:

When Mario gets too fat for his normal pants… he buys new ones and a matching top.

I think you need to keep out of Mario’s personal life and get back to your job of destroying trains.

I will give credit to 1-up salesman, he has enough programming to actually create a work of art—that’s pretty cutting edge, even if he forgot to add tails to his word bubbles. Also, he magically found a way to make Mario and… Mickey Mouse in a robot float in the air. Impressive.

Redshirt insists:

Ha, nice!
Lucky for mario I haven’t made the lazer effects yet, although I guess I could use my phaser effect.

Unlucky for Mario, you forgot to capitalize the first letter of his name. Man, that’s worse than kicking him in the nuts.

Also, I don’t agree that Mickey threatening to kill Mario is nice. In fact, it sounds quite rude to me. Just like typing his name incorrectly. And talking about his private life in front of everyone. Jesus, if Mario kills himself it will be all of your faults.

The Following User Says Thank You to Redshirt For This Useful Post: 1-up salesman

The Following User Says Shut the Fuck Up For This Useless Post: JJW Mezun

Two people fight to the death to see who will be my avatar!!

Or, an alternate title would be: “In Case You Give a Shit Which Shitty Sprite I Depict My Uppity Self With”. I will concede to Hobo-Man that that mess of gray pixels in front of his hand sure is strange—and unidentifiable. Even more strange than that weird-ass pose Shitty-Recolor-of-Mario is doing.

And yes, 1-up salesman thanked him for his fucking post. If only I knew how to hack…

Erasure says:

Mush Man. definetly.

Well, you definetly cannot figure out how to spell.

Trainbreaker says:

Whichever the human is. Also there’s a blue space in the dagger.

Is that what that mess is? (Not the human, the dagger; although I wouldn’t necessarily discount the first interpretation.) It takes some mighty imaginative skills to see a dagger in that mess.

UMB, will it ever end?

When you say “UMB” do you mean the regurgitation of this stupid theme of some guy in some shitty-looking robot? I sure hope it ends.

The Following User Says Thank You to Redshirt For This Useful Post: 1-up salesman

Can somebody just unplug 1-up salesman, please?

And speaking of 1-up salesman, he really brings the shit to the table here. Badly resized sprites? Check. Text tackily touching the edges of the word bubble? Check. Gaudy recolor of Toad? Check. Floating in the fucking air? Check.

The Following User Says Thank You to 1-up salesman For This Useful Post: Redshirt

Okay, I’ll admit that this is pretty funny, even if it probably wasn’t meant to be. It seems as if that is the only time any of these people can be funny.

Redshirt commands:

YARG! Fight to the death.

Yes, we can see that, Redshirt. Thank you for reminding us that you have eyes.

The Following User Says Thank You to Redshirt For This Useful Post: 1-up salesman

Oh, fuck you.

[Random bull shit]

1-up salesman cout <<

*screams*

Uh….*eye twitches*

Uh oh: I think he is having malfunctions.

1-up salesman gives credit to two people for the sprites that were apparently too arduous to acquire by himself, but neglects to credit whatever lovely person is responsible for the shitty resizing error. MS Paint sure is complicated to use.

Redshirt mandates:

Ok I’m done.

Thank you, Il Duce. Whichever painting you feel matches your valor is fine with all of us.

The Following User Says Thank You to Redshirt For This Useful Post: 1-up salesman

I’m starting to agree with Romantic and Modernist poets that technology is ruining the world.

[A bunch more bull shit about Redshirt’s fucking avatar and 1-up salesman thanking people even more. I swear, he knows I am reading this and doing it just to piss me off. And God damn it, it is working.]

Trainbreaker says, along with this short:

I’m not sure if this is funny or not, but here goes…

Hint: It isn’t. Shit, it doesn’t even make any God damn sense.

Redshirt says:

you got a chuckle.

Why does Tankooni not have eyes?

A chuckle is all that our great leader shall give you, and thus you shall be executed for your disgrace of forgetting to give the… uh, “Tankooni” eyes.

Trainbreaker says:

The white things on his face qualify, I think.

Heretic! Commie! Off with his head! (Actually, I have no idea how Mussolini executed anyone.)

Dark Zero says, leading up to another one of his masterpieces (I’m warning you):

This one’s based off Lord Ovan and his antics in the NC forum.

Really? I was hoping you were imitating every shitty forum satire some one has made. By the way, I love how there exists no logical punchline; it just ends in the shame it deserves to feel.

The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to DarkZero For This Useful Post: Trainbreaker, Redshirt, Soi, Seeking Attention is passe

The Following 4 Users Would Like to Suck DarkZero’s dick.

It is pretty sad when DarkZero’s best work is just a bunch of screen shots he took from an NES game. And he’s a Senior Member. Maybe he’s so senior that he was born before humor was invented. Look, I have to just go off of hunches for all of this shit.

1-up salesman says, after quoting the whole fucking comic, so we can all see its unoriginality again:

I haven’t even played that game and it’s funny!

Oh, come on! We all know it was half-assed bull shit! What is the purpose of even having a forum for this shit if no one is even going to critique it more than “this is awesome! best comic ever! LOL”?

Black Belt Tazy says:

@DZ: An 8th panel would have helped a little, and prevent the needless white space, or maybe center the last panel so it doesn’t look so blank. (Or maybe it’s supposed to be there :/)

I really don’t have anything to say about the comic, it’s more of a “here is what is in this game” kind of thing, but the punchline is pretty good so good job regardless.

Now this is much better. Tazy, you get an A—and I expect the rest of you to improve on your performance.

DarkZero replies:

^There’s nothing to go in the 8th panel.

And I tried to make it transparent, but Slide apparently doesn’t support it.

It looked transparent to me. In some kind of logical impossibility DarkZero perceives his comics to be shittier than they truly are.

Black Belt Tazy says:

It’s just an aestetic (sp?) suggestion to maybe center the 7th panel. It makes the comic look more advanced, that’s all.

Other than that, the comic is solid.

Yes, put that last panel in the center; all of your comics’ problems will instantly be solved.

I don’t know what the hell “WvsW” is, so I shall skip commenting on this short.

See, now this is not based on something I know nothing about and yet still makes no sense. My guess that it is Dr. Donez yelling at… turban-wearing-guy with cotton growing out of his right ear? You know what? Let us just pretend that this is just some Modernist symbolism alluding to some seventeenth century book, The Cotton Eared King of Arabia.

I’d do anything for actual jokes out of you, DarkZero. Stick with copying the set up, and punchlines, and visuals, from video games, so none of your work taints the piece. That might be harsh (but it’s the truth), but come on, this is not even a joke. And I am sure DarkZero is very capable of doing important things, far away from his computer’s graphics program.

Hell, look at how far Redshirt has gone; he’s the leader of his own fascist group! And 1-up salesman… man, fuck him—forget I even brought him up.

Oh, and speaking of 1-up salesman; he, Il Duce himself, and “The Mega Charizard”—whoever the fuck he is—thanked another person for jack shit.

Original post by DarkZero:

I could totally imagine you in that RedMan suit, battling Volvagia.

Redshirt comments:

errrm, ok.

Don’t… don’t bother, Redshirt. He’s lost, I’m afraid.

Who wants to bet this con lifted this entire joke from the episode of Mythbusters he mentioned as this comic being “based on”. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to make a comic based on a joke in Penny Arcade.

Redshirt says:

It would probably be funnier if I had seen the episode.

Not even Jesus, Mohammad, or Buddha returning from the grave could magically transform this comic into entertainment.

DarkZero says, before releasing another plague onto the world:

Originally for a doodle chat thread, but I think it could work as a stand-alone short.

It doesn’t. Then again, this is actually consistent with DarkZero’s lauded style of meaningless jokes without any context in which these seemingly random punchlines would become humorous.

Comic by Redshirt:

Revolt! It is the end of World War II all over again. Too bad the leader of Germany today won’t save your sorry ass.

God, DarkZero, is there anything you won’t rip off? You know, he is probably putting all of these comments I am writing in the shorts he is working on right now, likely having someone’s avatar yell “Oh yeah, well you’re a poopy head” again, causing my avatar to die. Yeah, real mature way to mock others, by the way.

After reading that horrible punchline, I can’t blame them all for running away.

Speeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed says:

Lol

Gotta check this place more often.

Take some Ritalin first, please.

1-up salesman says:

Hilarious. ^

Useless comment. ~)

Simply the fact that this comic even made sense for eight whole panels—and was not simply ripped from a video game—makes this the best comic to come out of this forum. Congratulations, DarkZero, you have grown so well. Sniff. They grow up so fast…

I’m actually wondering if this is supposed to be humorous or… not humorous. As if he is trying to give some deep message. I just hope NES-pirate-Vectorman survives on his journey in this “life” thing that computer seems to be talking about.

TheEvilDM says:

wow…this thread still lives! Impressive. I must find something random to post now.

No, you must not stress yourself too much—really. How about you focus on learning how to use a spacebar when typing your name, instead.

DarkZero! You had so much promise with that deep, dramatic story earlier (left on a cliffhanger, might I add) and you follow it with this? You’re grounded for a week, young man.

I was going to find my millionth way to say “this is shit”, but then I thought I remembered that sprite being DarkZero, which makes the comic make perfect sense. If this is true, then DarkZero apparently agrees that he should die in a pit, considering that he responded with another pointless “This User Thanks…” which amazingly does not include 1-up salesman. Maybe he’s in sleep mode.

[I’m skipping a lot of shit because I still have pages and pages to go. It is all useless, anyway.]

[Skipping the entirety of page 7. Trust me, you aren’t missing anything.]

See? I told you 1-up salesman is in sleep mode. I know these things.

DarkZero says:

That is hilarious. And accurate.

You’re completely right: I am lazy as shit. By the way, DarkZero, thank you for giving this comment after already giving Redshirt a thank you. Significant redundancy is very important.

Redshirt says:

Oops Sprite Dude left his computer on.

It is nuanced touches like these that bring Redshirt’s literary material a step above the others.

Gabriel says:

Strangely enough, though, 1-Up Salesman remembered to turn his computer off before dying.

That’s because it is connected to him. Don’t ask why… you don’t want to know the details…

Black Belt Tazy says:

So, Mushman is the only person who updates his comics…..

I would call shinanigans, if it wasn’t so true.

I would call misuse of the word “shinanigans” (and misspelling) and ellipses, because it is so true.

Besides, you’re just jealous because your lunch break was cut short.

Redshirt:

No Gabriel Rodriguez updates his comic.

Black Belt Taz:

Who?

Oh, you mean the guy in the forth panel.

Barely know him.

Yeah, fuck him. But I know Redshirt, DarkZero, 1-up salesman—all of the classics, the renaissance of sprite comics.

Gabriel:

Ahem. I think you mean fourth, not forth.

One other thing about the short, why does everyone have a sign in their room with their name on it?

Something tells me Taz know does not well much very about English.

I can say with confidence that this comic is not shit—hell, it is actually pretty clever. Shit, even HippyLand took time out of his busy schedule of protesting the Vietnam War to thank Redshirt for creating it. Savor this comic, readers, because we all know we aren’t going to see another tolerable comic in this forum any time soon.

You know, when you are creating sprite comics, you might want to try using video game graphics for the backgrounds also. Something tells me, DarkZero, that you are not exactly proficient when it comes to free-handing them in MS Paint.

Redshirt:

I thought you lived in Bedford…

Oh

Make sure you get that extra “oh” in there.

DarkZero:

I do, but no one ever visits Bedford.

Instead, they bug me whenever I go to Bloomington.

Wait… You mean DarkZero is so famous that people try to meet him in real life? I hope it is to yell at him for that insulting Maniac Mansion bull shit.

[A bunch of bull shit about where DarkZero eats—no, I am not making that up.]

Wait a fucking minute… You can draw this good, and yet you crank out all of those shittily rendered sprite comics? Why don’t you try drawing some backgrounds in the future, instead of trying to half-ass them in MS Paint like you have been doing?

Gabriel:

At first glance the bomb looks more like a snail.

Uh… does Gabriel even know what a snail looks like? I mean, I can definitely see a snail there.

And now his work looks like shit again. What the hell is that yellow shit in the top-right corner?

What the hell was this comic for?

Redshirt:

Is that it?

For this thread? I sure hope so…

Random User:

eh. I got bored and doodled this and decided to post it

It sucks, but I decided to post it anyway, so others can read it and hate it.

Erasure:

lol rawr

Calm yourself, Erasure, it will be okay—the bad comic is gone.

Let’s forget about the insultingly awful punchline and ask ourselves why DarkZero chose to place his characters standing in an empty, teal void.

DarkZero:

I made two versions of this comic, so I’ll let you decide which one’s funnier.


What if neither of them is funny at all? Do we get a tie breaker?

MeowMan:

I liked the first one more.

Fine, ignore my question. Assholes.

DarkZero:

I like the second better, personally.

It’s funnier if you read the thread first.

Hint: No it isn’t. In fact, that thread makes absolutely no sense. Besides, you’re not T.S. Eliot; you shouldn’t have to read a bunch of other bull shit just to understand your work.

MeowMan:

Now I like the second better.

Redshirt:

second one is better.

And with the power of mob mentality, everyone is now in utter agreement.

MeowMan:

I would post something completely stupid and utterly insane, but I have no idea how to post a comic. It wont let me copy-paste it, so how do you post one?

Eric:

Here you go^

Apparently-Not-MeowMan gave you every reason not to help him upload what is likely to be another Rwanda and you help him, “Eric”—probably the resurrected corpse of Eric Harris. Well… March 19th is ruined. I hope you are all happy.

MeowMan:

Oh. Yeah, I’m gonna go fool around with GIMP and Paint to see if I can make a better comic. (and one with a point)

EDIT: Super Saiyan Goku? But IRHP is Goku..

Whoa there, Apparently-Not-MeowMan; don’t raise your standards too high. You’re in the NC Fan Comix Forum here, not the New Yorker.

[A bunch of bull shit about some DBZ sprite, and horrible Terminator “joke”.]

I will add though, that DarkZero offers wonderful advice:

Try to avoid stupid things in the future.

If you want to understand the joke with the lackey, he’s… oh, it still isn’t funny. Just don’t bother.

MeowMan:

If I ever actually start a comic, I am going to update.. once a year.

DarkZero:

Trying to outdo me, are you?

DarkZero tells his first joke… and it isn’t even in one of his comics. Then again, this forum has gone for pages without a fucking comic, so I can understand the reason why this would be the case.

[Ughh…]

Back to our violence = comedy philosophy, are we?

I think we’ve all just given up. If you’ll excuse me, I have a rope to hang myself with.

MeowMan:

I dont… Get it..

Nobody does, it has nothing to get. A guy moves pictures around and typed up what random shit he conjured up in twenty seconds and called it a day. Then the superstar went to that restaurant everyone apparently meets him at and his groupies give him blow jobs.

DarkZero:

Tough.

Jesus, DarkZero, you might as well have just drawn a middle finger for a comic instead. Fuck George Carlin; DarkZero knows how to piss off anyone who even glances at his opuses of laziness.


I call #1, “I Forgot the Set Up”, and #2, “Shitted This Up in Two Minutes”.

MeowMan:

NICE.

RIGHTEOUS. Yes, it was nice of him to waste people’s bandwidth with un-comics.

Wow, what a bitch. Look at the way she beat him, for simply communicating a subtle invitation for a kiss. How did she even do that to him, not having arms and all? I’m not trying to say armless people are weak—I mean no offense to them, especially if they are pink and have wings.

And Bill, I would prefer you keep your racial slurs to yourself.

Redshirt shows new innovation in laziness by pretty much saying “fuck it; make your own punchline.” I don’t know why he doesn’t just ask DarkZero; he seems to just randomly come up with punchlines without any context to make them humorous, or even logical. Then again, the farther you keep him away from your comic, the better.

And thus we end this painful trip. I have seen the rest of this forum, and there is nothing left over the horizon. It is basically “In-Joke Theater”, which I cannot honestly complain about, since I am not the target audience. Besides, anything that ends this faster is a Godsend.

-JJW Mezun (Originally Published: March 20, 2010)

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