Kirby Blast (Archive)

Kirby Blast is is a Kirby sprite comic hosted on Kirby’s Rainbow Resort (technically hosted on SmackJeeves—which is a thousand times worse—but still included in KRR’s main updates), probably the most prominent Kirby fan site on the internet, showing just how much KRR has jumped the shark. But Kirby Blast has competition on this prestigious website; it goes up against Gooey: A Heroic New Ambition!, and what an ambition this comic is! Thanks goes to Bimblesnaff’s three-year-old nephew for his adorable drawing.

Introduction Cover

Let’s see: awkward difference of pixel size for eyes, mouth and rest of body? Beautiful! Clipped test at the top left? Perfect! Random Photoshop effects? Sexy!

Oh, and guess what kiddies? We’ve got comments!

SolartheHedgehog says:

YA! THE FIRST NEW COVER FOR THE RETURN OF KIRBY BLAST!!! XD

Hope you like it

“I MADE A COMIC GUYS! I WANT ATTENTION!!! ˚oXO”

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This guy doesn’t even bullshit; he flat-out calls himself “Advertisement”.

LoneAlchemist says:

YAY BRING IN THE BEER!

Can you just imagine two people with the names “Lone Alchemist” and “SolartheHedgehog” as two frat boys chugging alcohol while partying over a Kirby sprite comic? I can’t either.

Intro: Page1

Look at those sexy word bubbles! It almost makes me think that SolartheHedgehog has never read a comic before, because nobody in their right mind has ever used such amazing word bubbles as these. And look at that font, which is not tacky in the slightest. And I love Solar’s unique way of arranging the text in that first panel there. You know, it says something about a comic when I can find so much to… love about this comic before even reading the first fucking word of dialogue.

Luckily, the writing does not fail to disappoint us either. The old “protagonist is bored and decides to do something random because I’m too lazy to actually think up a logical and interesting beginning” plotline is back, and shittier than ever! I can’t wait to see how this plot (doesn’t) develops.

SolartheHedgehog:

Like it? I started this comic today

I’ll update sometimes but now just hang tight!

“Please give me attention, I’m begging you!”

Let’s examine what Solar is really saying here. She (just found out that SolartheHedgehog is a female) says that she just started the comic, something no one could guess based on the fact that this is the earliest comic in the archive, and at the time would have been the only one other than that utterly useless cover page. Next, she says that people who worry about her not updating, even though she just updated, should hang tight, and not fear that she does not update every second of her life.

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Chaosmark101:

XD AFTER SEEING THAT BANNER I KNEW IT HAD TO BE YOU ^_^ XD
and lol “the sun is shining,Dedede isn’t stealing my cake” XD

Does Chaosmark101 have a verbal tic or something? Hey, XD this comic XD is fucking XD shit.

I’m hoping Chaosmark101 is some kind of sprite comic police who finally tracked Solar down before she could commit any more sprite comic crimes.

Intro: Page 2

Panel 1: “Much better than looking at this comic.”

Panel 2: Heartbroken by this random, re-color not knowing about Kirby, Kirby decides to jump off of the cliff.

Panels 3 and 4: “With my ability to forget to use a comma, or to misspell Meta Knight’s name.

Panel 5: Or you can find him at his usual residence, the surface of the sun.

Panel 6: Kirby’s expression: “DUHHRRR!” I don’t blame her for being disgusted.

SolartheHedgehog:

lol, the mysterious girl thinks Kirby’s a sicko cuz of his ability to swallow his enemies XD

Thank you, Recon Jr., for summarizing the comic after we’ve already read it. Also, thank you for laughing at your own comic. Why not make it a little more convenient and have “This is funny” written right on the comic, or do what that dumbshit Chaos does and put a warning at the top of every comic.

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Marta Lualdi:

XD

The virus has spread!

Devin the rapping plummber:

If this had cameos, i would do it before i blink.
I love it so far.

Devin’s first attempt at rapping falls flat, honestly. Is he saying that he wants to have sex with this comic? This is what happens when you enlist “plummbers”, whatever the fuck those are, to do an MC’s job.

Chaosmark101:

XD “saving dreamland from dedede’s fattyness metaknights

idiotic lust for power and other idiots who think they can take me on”

“I’m THE AMAZING KIRBY!!!!”

*coming to a creal box near you*

“get away from you sicko”

XD

Chaosmark does a good service for Solar, transcribing her comic into hypertext so that blind people can suffer with the rest of us.

Summary of rest of comments: “LOL THNX”. They all sound like a bunch of giggling school girls. Seriously, nothing is that funny—not even a cavalcade of fat clowns on tiny unicycles.

Intro: Page 3

Apparently Solar mistakingly thought that Kirby’s “lemme give you a blow job” face looks like a shouting face. It doesn’t.

SolartheHedgehog:

I really like this page

Who are the people attacking Dedede’s Castle? FIND OUT NEXT TIME!

It shows that a comic is high-quality when even its own creator praises it, amirite? Did you grade your own math tests, too? FIND OUT NEXT TIME!

It’s a good thing she tells you that “FIND OUT NEXT TIME!” thing, too. I was afraid the plot progressed in the earlier comics.

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You can learn a lot about your comic from reader comments. For example, you can be reminded about what you wrote and how it was “LOL” funny, supposedly. It is good, too, that they tell Solar that these comics are funny, without saying exactly why they feel that way. Solar should make sure to take this advice and make more “funny” comics, even though she still hasn’t quite made one yet from the looks of it.

I miss Anonymous. I’m almost hoping he just-so-happens to have commented on this comic, and wrote “not funny” and “what the hell never use mario characters in a Kirby comic 1″ as the first comment for the rest of the comics.

Intro: Page 4 ENDING

Really, because this comic hasn’t gotten interesting at all—including this utterly cliché ending quote. Hell, all of this dialogue is trite as hell.

SolartheHedgehog in response to the typical blind sycophancy:

thnx, and it took a while too

a while = two seconds.

Chapter 1 Cover

“Hey, everyone; I know how to change the opacity of layers!”

She doesn’t, however, understand how to not clip her fucking sprites, as poor, uh, brown Kirby re-color witnesses.

And, Solar, stop cheering your own God damn comic—you’re not Commander Chaos.

Ultimate Yoshi:

Cool cover, I like it.

Make sure you make more “cool” covers, Solar; whatever definition Yoshi seems to be hiding for what “cool” is.

Chapter 1: Page 1

The brown Kirby is named “Betty”—coincidentally enough, the same name of the author, SolartheHedgehog. Kirby, the star of a popular canon, considers this “Betty” character for a girlfriend. I think they have a name for this phenomenon.

SolartheHedgehog:

Lol, I WONDER who or what they crashed into?

“I wonder what will happen next in this comic I fucking make myself. I can’t wait until I get off of my ass and bullshit more ‘story’.”

I’m not even sure what the advertisement is supposed to be advertising this time. Some douche bag in pajamas with a squirrel tail and crown.

Sadpanda:

No. Good comic, but dont have fan characters X main videogame character

…oh shit, I see an Anonymous growing here! I’m psyched as shit! And I was about to drop this boring-ass comic to do something more entertaining—like maybe watching water evaporate from the ground.

SolartheHedgehog:

ignore him Toon, he’s an idiot

This idiot, who praised said comic, even if he did point out one flaw in Solar’s majestic opus! I agree; he should be hung for such a travesty!

Actually, I really do agree; only an idiot would think this comic was good.

Sadpanda:

Yea, I’m the idiot, what ever makes you sleep at night girl.

Was that supposed to be a diss? “Whatever, female! Get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich!”

And toon link, get a real girlfriend/boyfriend, Its nice and all that your like a videogame character, but making someone so they can love eachother = no life.

He even makes up his own math formulas just like Anonymous! I like to imagine that Anonymous was Sadpanda’s mentor.

And also soloara, that was uncalled for. Is this just because you got serve’d at one of your old comics by me and a few other people?

“Yeah, man, we totally fucking burned you, dude!” Why do I get the feeling that whatever “serving” Sadpanda delivered was probably less impressive than he seems to make it out to be.

Also, if I am the idiot, that must class you as the unmature Faggot with an IQ of -10

As opposed to the “immature” faggots with an impossible IQ level. I’m not exactly sure how this conditional statement works; Sadpanda, if you want to explain your proof for this one, please leave me a message at jjwmezun@gmail.com.

Try not to start a flame war with someone with more internet experince then you.

I wish I had as much “experince” as he has. God, that’s like a male accidentally chopping off his own balls while bragging about how many women he’s had sex with. He could have misspelled any word and it would have looked less hilarious than this particular word.

Who the hell brags about how much time they waste on the internet, anyway? Go up to someone in the real world and brag to them about how much internet “experince” you have; they won’t be as impressed as you think they would be.

Chapter 1: Page 2

Hey, Solar; could you make this comic bigger, please? I don’t have to scroll enough to see the rest of your comic. Because, you know, horizontal scrolling is just the best!

Panel 4: “Wait, let me give you two a blow job!”

Kirby’s mouth, meanwhile, is over his fucking foot. That’s just quality spriting!

Meta Knight must be pretty sensitive if he gets offended by “blue boy”. I mean, that’s actually factually accurate; he is a male that is blue-colored. Shit, “Zorro’s pornographic voice actor” would have been worse.

LuigiFreak:

I love Kirby’s expression in the 2nd to last panel xP

You mean how it impossibly floats over his God damn arm?

And stop advertising outdated Windows products, you sell-out.

super sonic m:

kirbys a pink boy, and i’m a i don’t know what boy. calling someone a blue boy is racist.

The worst part was that blue people still had to sit in the back of the bus, and had to drink from separate drinking fountains.

Interesting how a non-existent slur gets him, but not “faggot” from before, which is authentically prejudice.

Solara is at school:

SSM, just, no I’m NOT racist

“Some of my best friends are blue.”

Based on your grammatical abilities, Solar, that school isn’t helping you much.

Chapter One: Page 3

“Hmm… Maybe I shouldn’t have just stood there and let Kirby leave. Dur!”

Nice job squeezing in that attempt of a punchline at the end there. You’ll eventually figure it out.

SolartheHedgehog:

man! this page is SMALL!

Yeah, I actually don’t have to scroll horizontally to see it. What the hell is wrong with you!

Thanks LoneAlchemist for the new font (Anime Ace) and I hope you enjoy this page. This will be the new size of the pages so keep an eye on that

“Thank you, LoneAlchemist, for your hard work of showing me a font someone else made.

I wonder what’s on Meta Knight’s mind *hint hint*

Is it “USER COMMENTS”?

Chapter One: Page 4

Challenge: Find the joke! Answer: There is none. Only the un-called-for beating of poor Waddle Doo, who kicks ass. Man, fuck you assholes—pink boy and… girl!

SolartheHedgehog:

OMG! AN UPDATE! O_o

IT’S A MIRACLE!

I hope you like this page as much as I do.
and I’m just showing off Betty’s new and revamped sprites (better shades and new bang)

Nobody could love this comic as you do. And by “better shades” do you include the random brown pixel on the back of her feet in that last panel?

Pajama squirrel king wasn’t pleased with the situation, either.

Chapter One: Page 5

Is Solar trying some challenge where she uses the most trite punchlines ever? Betty might as well have said “Let’s get jiggy with it!” Actually, I’d better shut my fucking trap before I give Solar any ideas.

So the two beat the living fuck out of a Waddle Doo and Kirby eats a Chibi Ninja? I sense a subtle take that against another comic… well, except that would be a little too clever for Solar here.

SolartheHedgehog:

OMFG AN UPDATE!

Gasp! This is as exciting as every other time you made an update and over-reacted about it!

Ya, I updated, so I hope you like this page.

Did I mention that I am writing something right now EVERYONE NOTICE ME!

THIS TOOK ME 1 HOUR TO MAKE! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! and I wonder what’d gonna happen next?

No you don’t, because you’re the one who’s fucking writing this shit.

Also, do you like the title of the chapter? I thought of it a few minutes ago when I was making the chapters thingy

Yes, “Chapter One: Page 5″ is the most brilliant comic title ever written. It’s right up there with “Chapter Five: Page 3″.

LoneAlchemist:

So is she able to absorb the stars just by contact?

SolartheHedgehog:

yep, but it depends on the ability

if it’s ninja ability she can absorb it, if it’s a different ability it’ll just bonk her on the head

Oh, come on: Just say “A Wizard Did It” like everyone else.

Chapter One: Page 6

This Doo abuse is not amusing in the slightest. What’s next, you gonna boil Chilly? You know, it says something when the villains get more sympathy from me than these two assholes.

By the way, relying on action for a sprite comic is not a very good idea; especially when you just use a bunch of blur filters to depict it.

Just read Solar’s quote from before; I don’t feel like typing the same bullshit again. All she does differently is that now she’s whoring herself to that same Topwebcomics virus that Recon fell to with Pokémon-X.

Lord Enigma:

His poor eye.

At least someone sympathizes with me here.

Chapter 1: Page 5 ENDING

Solar apparently loved the title “Page 5″ so much that she repeated it here, even if it is chronologically incorrect.

Get that mouth fixed, fox Kirby. That is, after you turn back from being a stone statue.

Chapter 2 Cover

What is that white smoke even supposed to be? The most powerful flatulence ever committed?

It’s just Solar and Angry Pajama-Squirrel King left now.

Chapter 2: Page 1

Where are you? That’s a good question: What is that black-line-on-white-background supposed to be?

SolartheHedgehog:

Anyway, as you see I’ve renamed this chapter for the sake of the readers. The fight scene would’ve been too boring considering nothing really happens during it, but the real climax only happens after it, so I decided to make this little ark; The Forgotten.

As opposed to the rest of the comic, which was jam-packed with excitement!

Many of you guys want to know how she was turned into a Kirby “like” creature and she wants to know why as well.

Last time I checked, fictional characters don’t have opinions; that’s why we think it’s silly whenever Pikachu or Snoopy are voted for in presidential elections.

Bresong:

By the white background, I believe She whited out

SolartheHedgehog:

nope, guess again

Nope; that’s just due to laziness.

Chapter 2: Page 2

Panel 1: That’s a beautiful foot “*STEP*-*STEP*”-ing there.

Panel 3: You’re in the misspelled word! Also, notice how Betty’s ponytail magically grows between panels two and three.

Panel 4: “Bret? Why are you anorexic? It’s as if your stomach is a black hole to which all matter condenses into!”

Panel 5: Shirtless Sonic re-color? I’m all hot now!

Panel 8: Note to Solar: Stop making expressions; they look like ass.

Panel 11: “Let me show you this Photoshop filter; I bought it off ebay.”

SolartheHedgehog:

Anyway, I’m really proud of this page, and I hope you guys like it too!

My favorite part is the background; those white-to-light-gray gradients are just so amazing. And don’t forget that black line!

I agree with Angry Pajama-Squirrel King; I think it sucks, too.

J-Bit:

I don’t think you should have just changed randomly to sonic chars what what the heck

Yeah, Sonic re-colors has already become a laughing-stock, and we shouldn’t have needed J-Bit’s clumsy attempt at writing to discover that. What what the hell is wrong with you?

We shall pretend that LoneAlchemist’s subsequent attempt at random humor never occurred—for all of our sanity.

Chapter 2: Page 3

“What’s happening to me!? Where did my neck go? Why is my left foot fucking backwards?”

I call this dance “The Body-Part Shuffle”!

SolartheHedgehog:

AM I LAZY OR WHAT? *awesomeface* *shot*

What the hell is an “awesomeface”? And I know this comic is terrible, but did we really need to shoot her?… Oh, who am I kidding; feed her to the fucking fishes.

It was the Pajama King that shot her! I knew it!

Chapter 2: Page 4

Is it me or have the dialogue boxes gotten worse?

For God’s sake, how hard is it to find a God damn video game background off of the internet? Are you assholes so lazy that you can’t even get off of your ass and go find one, or even just some random photograph on Google Images? Anything would be better than black floor with white-to-gray gradient background; that’s just tacky as all hell.

Nice miniature arm there, emo Sonic.

SolartheHedgehog:

I REALLY hope you like this page, and I wonder who THAT could be :3.
NO HINTS FOR YOU GUYS >:3

Ooo! Ooo! He’s the lead singer of My Chemical Romance!

Djoing:

Where’s his mask?

SolartheHedgehog:

SHUSH DJOING! NO SPOILERS!

Yeah, you’ll ruin it for her two other fans. Anyway, I think he was just making fun of how ugly that little douche bag is.

There is something incredibly suspenseful coming up next. You can see that I am exponentially excited.

Chapter 2: Page 5

This comic is looking worse! She’s so bad that she gets less skilled as she makes this comic, like someone who becomes dumber doing mindless tasks, such as staring at gray walls or reading this comic. You know, most people complain about how sprite comics look awful; but this comic would look better if she straight-out stuck with sprites.

By the way, mixing sprites and hand-drawn visuals looks pretty tacky. Also, emo Sonic’s hair somehow grew in such a short amount of time; not to mention the fact that he’s drawn completely different from before. So many artistic flaws, so little time to point them all out.

Gasp! It’s glowing tufts of hair! It’s a good thing Solar put those “Glow!” words there, because I can’t read images. Maybe you should go all the way and put “Betty” and “Emo Douche” over the characters in every panel.

SolartheHedgehog:

I know it looks REALLY crappy, so I’ll just stick to PS drawing :D

“I know it sucks, but I won’t change it so that it doesn’t suck or not post it so others aren’t subjected to its apparent suckiness. Just because.”

Chapter 2: Page 6

Panel 4: “Excuse me, I have some pixels in my eye.”

Panel 5: “Like how my hair can go under my right eye, but over its coloring?”

Chapter 2: Page 7

“Hold it! I have a destiny to fulfill? That sounds like a terrible Mary Sue fanfic plot!”

Man, just read this fantastic dialogue: “I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that left-over pizza before bed!” (rubbing uncomfortably against the walls of the dialogue box). And then we can just let overdone expressions finish the writing. Look at how silly he looks in that last panel! That beats an authentic punchline any day. Next comic she’ll use Javascript to detect when you’ve finished reading the comic and have a laugh track MP3 play automatically to point out the humor she wish she had in her comic.

LoneAlchemist:

lolololol you updated. i guess that makes me the alpha male around here. as for the fave button, i MIGHT be able to help’
brb

“i guess that makes me sexist lolololol”

Chapter 2: Page 8

This time it actually is a good idea that she put that “brick’d” there; because I thought that was a tile until I read that. It shows some serious incompetence when you can’t even get photorealistic visuals correct. Are you trying to make this terrible, Solar? Are you some kind of Webcomic troll?

Chapter 2: Page 9

“I know anime tricks and I will use them all arbitrarily!”

Remember when this comic had that Kirby guy involved—You know, the one who’s name is in the title? Did he die or something?

Solarthehedgehog:

OH MY GOD! DX THIS PAGE WAS A BIIIIIIITCH ;-;

In something you thought you’d only see in science fiction, Solarthehedgehog’s comic was so badly crafted that it came to life to attack its heartless creator.

Ya, sorry about not updating for the second time last week, it’s cuz of THIS thing that made my update late ;-;

I also hate it when “THIS thing” unspecifically hampers my ability to update. That’s the reason why I didn’t update last week, by the way… yeah…

So, ya, I wonder what’s up :\

“Homey G dogg word!”

Also, I edited the site a bit more and I FINALLY added that f-ing TWC link. It’s in the menu, so you can vote for me! :D

I don’t want to click on it if it’s “f-ing” something; that’s gross. Let’s wait until it’s “h-ing” something. Allow me to beg for an explanation one more time as to why you would curse without actually cursing, like drawing a detailed rendition of the Mona Lisa using a stylus on a coffee table. Either don’t use curse words or use the whole word, G. D. it.

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Mr. Advertisement does not believe any of Solar’s excuses, and I don’t blame him.

LoneAlchemist:

shit happens

I think you mean “s-happens”.

And that ends that bullshit. No more comics, no more comments. Glad I nipped this one before it got to be a 900+ tumor like Pokémon-X. By the way, how’s it like to still live in November, 2009, Recon?

-JJW Mezun (September 24, 2010)

One Response to Kirby Blast (Archive)

  1. Oh look, anything visually impressive and this sad 12 year old faggot will try and boost his sad ego by insulting it.

    Go and insult 8 Bit Theaters now, it’s probably ‘broken’ too.

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