inSONICnia (Archive)

Is it me, or are there a lot of crappy Sonic sprite comics? Granted, not as much as the behemoth list of Mega Man Bob and George rip-offs, but still. Because I honestly cannot think of anything unique to say about this unmemorable comic, let’s begin.

No demons allowed

Is it dejavu, or did we just stumble on a fucking That’s My Sonic! comic. It looks just like the first comic, it’s remarkable. And nothing is more fresh than beginning the comic with the main characters breaking the fourth wall, describing how the author has no respect for the art form he chose to work in. Although this time the ending promises us no trying-to-be-awesome insert characters. Thank God—I’ve had enough Bar’d to last me a lifetime.

The power of imagination

Hey, Tails does a lot of stupid, random bullshit in the background—just like That’s My Sonic! Also, let me take this moment to say just how pleased I am to view this lovely dialogue scheme the author’s concocted. Nothing’s better than the always fresh Arial font, matched with tacky shadows and word bubble outlines that look scratchy and, well, tacky also.

Also, is it me, or does Knuckles shrink in the second-to-last panel? How do you have consistency problems in a sprite comic? You just copy and paste the same sprites.

Decoration

OBNOXIOUS CATCH PHRASES!!! Hmm… I don’t remember these used as punchlines since, yes, That’s My Sonic!. Kajin, next time you shamelessly rip-off the spirit of another comic, make sure that spirit isn’t dying on the inside, first, like TMS. There were enough unnecessary comics in that series to fill a continent—we don’t need a spin-off.

But if you don’t want to focus on the terrible attempt at slang—even if it does admittedly fit in a comic with the DAMN Sonic characters—or the erroneously left-aligned dialogue (haven’t any of these people read a comic before?), maybe you could focus on the awkward sprite work, such as Tails in… the second half of the comic. It looks like he’s dry-humping the floor in those last two panels.

Show is released: ready to grant wishes

Kajin writes these episode titles as if he translated them into Japanese and retranslated them into English.

Now, before you marvel at the pure originality in having the villain, Dr. Ivo “Eggman” Robotnik, depicted as a mental-deficient man-child—because I know I am—let’s instead slap our knees in laughter at whatever quirky bullshit grew inside Kajin’s mind when he imagined this strip. A swimming pool? Full of lemon jello? That’s positively zany!

Also, one exclamation is enough, thank you!!!!!

Black Sonic

Please don’t be some stupid race-based joke—I’m begging you.

And, yes, apparently my hypothesis about Tails humping the floor boards was precise. Never has being correct ever made me so sad.

What the fork kind of euphemism is that? Wait… Wait. It’s that demon child of Knuckles, which, if I am correct, originated from That’s My Sonic! and a picture of Amy, which Tails mentioned possessing in, yes, you guessed it. God damn it; stop reminding me of That’s My Sonic! Do you know how hard I’ve been trying to repress those memories?

I’m glad the author added “Sonic added this” in the shittiest handwriting ever developed by human hands. I’ll make sure to add that little detail to the InSONICnia wiki, ASAP.

SONIC!

So, I was just wondering… where is the real Sonic in all of this? Did he just conveniently disappear just to fit the storyline? It’s kind of hard not to miss these kinds of giant plotholes, author whose name I forgot.

The similarities are truley [sic] striking…

Yes, we get it. Your brilliant deconstruction of a plot cliché that’s so cliché even parodies of it are cliché has us all enraptured in awe. I think the fact that the Sonic gang somehow forgot that they already know Shadow is more remarkable than the fact that they can’t tell the color black from blue.

“Oh shit, better hit the thesaurus to write this dialogue! This is congruently proficient!”

So, was Sonic hanging out in a black void like it was a tourist attraction and had his friends take his picture, or was Sonic in an episode of the Twilight Zone I must have missed?

I think the author gave up on the last panel and just thought of the first cliché figure of speech he could conjure up. I noticed that he still had time to write some insipid ALT text, unfunny in every single use, including in non-sprite webcomics, as well as some random comic below the comic. Wow, three punchlines and none of them even resemble a joke—that’s a record of some sort.

Lemon Jello

When you see the comic’s title say “Lemon Jello”, can there honestly be any hope that it will not, to speak colloquially, suck major balls? Nice try, Kajin; come back when you’re ready to get serious here.

The Highlander

For some reason having every character talk like they were just lobotomized is an allure to sprite comic creators, like shit to a pack of flies. And then have Sonic dress in some ridiculous attire because I guess that’s funny. If you’re five.

Last time, on Dragonball Z

…I died inside. As you can see by this brilliantly satirical episode title, InSONICnia is on the cutting edge of pop culture. What’s next, a Matrix “bullet time” gag?

I guess this is supposed to be a parody of Dragonball Z somehow. It’s been awhile since I’ve watched it, but I don’t think I remember a lot of silent staring. More like just a bunch of random punching and manly yelling. But, hey, maybe Kajin’s been watching the deaf version for all I know.

EPIC FIGHT!!

SO EPIC THAT WE CAN’T SHOW IT TO YOU!! Looks like Kajin wasn’t kidding when he worried about being unable to upload all of his comics. Somehow I’m thankful for it.

The aftermath

The original plan for this comic was to show the aftermath of showing this comic to people, but the resulting footage was too gruesome for human eyes. People were physically pulling their eyes out of their sockets and shit. So, instead, Kajin just crapped up another dull comic without any jokes or, really, any entertainment value ever.

Where the action is

God, this dialogue is so bad, it makes Sonic Adventure’s look good. Shit, it makes the Zelda CD-i games’ dialogue look good—yes, I went there! You “arn’t” serious about this comic, are you Kajin?

I actually think my favorite part is how everything conveniently falls into rhythm, too. Like how Knuckles made sure to explicitly define what he believed “action” to mean, because apparently he already knew Rouge had something dirty in mind (and when you look like that, it’s kind of expected). This, unfortunately, ruins the hypothesis presented that Knuckles is an idiot. Well, he is for talking like that, but not in the manner than Kajin meant.

It begins

What, the plot? But didn’t we just rush through a haphazardly developed plot already?

Oh, and I love how Tails is so insignificant that he isn’t even considered a proper noun. “Oh, don’t bother with him; he’s just a stupid tails”.

Yes, Tails, please use that plot point Kajin immediately pulled out of his ass to help Sonic. And while you’re at it, why don’t you use that machine you built off-screen to cure world hunger. You always mentioned how that was your life’s dream. Off-screen, of course.

Also, instead of crossing out “saiyan” (Super Sonic is similar to Super Saiyans? Never heard that joke before!) maybe you should cross out the myriad of grammatical errors you produced, Kajin.

Unforseen [sic] consequences

The most annoying thing about re-typing the episode titles is that I need to remember the author’s unique misspelling of the words.

By the way, you may expect me to make a joke about the author pointing out that those emeralds Sonic is using are fake—a point which was already mentioned in-comic, mind you—would be underestimating his readers’ intelligence, but I’ve learned enough from the kind of people who actually enjoy these kinds of comics that the author is completely justified in his approximation. In fact, I think he should have put a few more hints in there, like pointing out which character is Sonic and which one’s Shadow. You know, so it’s just a little less confusing.

Also, why the fake emeralds when there’s a perfectly good giant emerald floating in Knuckles’ room? Are you saving that for another ridiculously contrived plot point? Because boy am I hyped for that!

The consequences were full life!

I’m sorry, but I can’t empathize with Sonic, considering how mind-numbingly stupid this plan was in the first place: use fake chaos emeralds to trick… the fake emeralds themselves into being real? What, were they trying to trick God or something? Because I’m not religious or anything, but I’m pretty certain that if there was a God that could grant anthropomorphic animals special powers for having certain jewelry, he would know whether or not they were genuine.

This was such a stupid gag idea…

“…Just like every other comic idea I’ve had!”

Oh, look, Rouge is a prostitute now—how delightful! And she works for the fakest looking pimp ever—I mean, come on, he looks like a furry Sherlock—with the worst attempt at gang lingo ever.

And remember when I joked about the author adding notes to point out which characters are which—Kajin actually did it. Oh, and he also made his punchline the prospect of a little girl becoming a prostitute. One that can walk through doors, apparently.

Just like Sonic 3

Hey, more devices just pulled out at random. Did you know Knuckles had an anti-gravity switch? Well, you do now.

Also, please forget to put the shadow on the dialogue some more, Kajin. For once, I could actually read what someone was saying without eye strain.

Onett

Jesus, Sonic, calm down. What, you just realized that you live in the world of Earthbound? You’ve been living there since episode two.

Also, I think there are a few errors in how you depict gravity here. For one, anti-gravity does not make you fall upwards at a force stronger than regular gravity—otherwise Sonic wouldn’t be propelled upwards and wouldn’t break through the ceiling. Keep in mind, I’m not even good at science, and yet I somehow caught these trifling subtleties.

Ness Ness Ness Ness…

“*This is a comic, which has panels, in which characters interact with each other to produce stories.”

I have to admit, a Sonic/Earthbound crossover is pretty new. Granted, with all of the Sonic crossovers there are, somebody was bound to do it.

(Mother 3 SPOILER): Besides, if the people of Tazmily knew these freaks existed in this time period, they would be thankful they only had to suffer through Porky.

Catch some Tails

Can there be an award for the amount of awkward sexual jokes in a sprite comic? Because I think this one won. “See, I know da hip terms, G’s!”

I like to think that “Stop” sign is some subconscious symbol from the author to himself.

Videogames

When the author can’t even decide how many words “video games” consists of, it’s no wonder he can’t write a decent joke.

And more sex jokes. Yay.

Gamma’s only cameo

I guess the joke is Sonic being possibly-fatally injured? Actually, considering what an annoying little shit he is, I have to admit—I am quite pleased.

The Pyramid

Nope, it wasn’t some random joke—it was a set-up to the most random plot point ever. I just hope the secret in that pyramid is the secret to being funny, because somebody in this comic sure needs it.

The following story arc was mildly plagiarized

You can tell by the look on his face that Shadow does not care about Tails or his story, probably because nobody likes the little douche. I like to think that they make him do all of the cleaning, and when he’s not cleaning use him as a foot rest.

“Hey guys, you’ll never believe all of the amazing adventures I had that the author was too lazy to show.” Get some A.D.D. pills, Kajin, before you go through a notebook full of plot ideas in one page. Next page will probably begin with Sonic wandering around a volcano.

With a name like “Bozo Stone”, you know it’s gotta be epic. Unfortunately, all of the “dire consequences” will probably occur off-screen, like everything else that isn’t pointless and stupid. Well, extremely poinless and stupid. We have to compare all of this to other works of art, too.

The Bozo Stone

Thanks, Kajin; I noticed that the “Bozo Stone” was just a re-colored Chaos Emerald. I can point out your comic’s flaws by myself, thank you.

You know, I was joking to myself that this jewel would probably summon Bozo the Clown or something that ridiculous. Beyond all odds, Kajin found a plot thread even more stupid.

(Circus theme)

Holy jumping assholes, Sonic, this dialogue’s awful!

I don’t know what to congratulate Kajin on first: his continuing strive to underestimate the readers’ intelligence even more with such important clues as “this right here is supposed to be the circus theme”, “that’s why it’s called the bozo stone”, and “to read this comic, aim your eyes towards the wordy symbols and use them to form ideas”; or how he was able to make the text even less readable by coloring it in obnoxious rainbow paint.

Rainbow text

I don’t know what the big deal is: they were all lobotomized clowns already. All this did was make the comic un-viewable on a technical level, on account of the bright assault on viewers’ retinas.

The Clowning

Damn it, Sonic, aren’t there enough tacky Sonic re-colors in this world?

Not emeralds

Well, you already got a mountain of terribly-implemented sex jokes; you should have known the scatological humor—and I use the word “humor” quite erroneously—would follow.

Clown Feces

I take back all of the complaints I made before: please rush through this embarrassing plot point. In fact, just off-screen the whole comic so we don’t have to read it.

Whoosh!

“Pie dodge!” What are you a Pokémon? Do you yell “Step forward!” whenever you’re walking, or “Eat steak!” when eating?

And if I read one more of Kajin’s embarrassing clown puns I will strangle someone.

Do not touch

“BUT I DO HAVE A SENSE OF BAD ACTING!!!”

Hey, I just remembered something: remember when Sonic was jealous of Tails getting it on with Amy? What ever happened to that plot point? Because that would be a lot more interesting than this stupid bullshit.

Shadow saves the day!

Um, no… that’s not a pyramid—that’s a box. Hence it’s lack of a pyramid shape. Somebody needs to go back to Geometry class.

And thank God for this wonderfully anti-climactic ending.

Oh shit

I swear, every one of these comic titles seem to scream “you don’t want to read this one—just run away”.

I was right. This comic has officially become worse than the Holocaust.

Shadow’s secret

Okay, let’s stop here for a second. Sonic, why do you keep using the word “fork”? It’s already been shown before that you are perfectly capable of saying the word “fuck”. So how about you use it more? This is the perfect evidence against censoring curse words, Cod flam it.

Introducing… The Egg Carrier!

“Oh yeah, I forgot all about that Eggman guy I brought up and forgot about!” We’ll forgive you, Kajin; because we all know how important that shitfest (groan) before was to focus on.

Oh, and thank you for bringing up that lemon jello joke again and reminding me how unfunny it still was. For some reason, this reminds me of another sprite comic…

Sonic CD Explored…

The punchline to this comic is Tails saying “My butt itches”. Let me just leave that as my entire argument on why this particular comic is, to speak colloquially, fucking stupid as shit.

That’s heavy

If you didn’t catch the gratuitous reference to Back to the Future, don’t worry; the author makes sure to hint at it in a very subtle way—subtle like an Ayn Rand book.

*For those who don’t understand that joke I just made, Ayn Rand is a writer who writes pro-capitalist books that spell out the author’s political beliefs in a very unsubtle way. See, the joke is that I said the opposite of what is reality, that these two entities were subtle, when they were not, which many people call sarcasm.

OBEY

Don’t worry—he’s actually treated better in that future than he is by his dickhead friends.

A super sonic goal

Trust me, Knuckles, no it isn’t.

The arrow doesn’t blink anymore D:

So I guess the joke is that contrived coincidences make the plot go conveniently quicker? We already knew that since episode fifteen.

Mixed bittages ftw!

What is the point of “FTW”, anyway? Making others believe that you’re dyslexic? Misspelling words isn’t even clever when it’s done in the same way millions of others have.

And speaking of not clever, he most cliché bathroom joke in the world.

The level beyond

And in case you missed Kajin’s clever joke before, he made sure to repeat it at the beginning of this comic. And the punchline is Knuckles calling something “gay”. You know, I like to think that this plot was a struggle for both Sonic and the readers; Sonic tried to attain a level of higher power, while the reader tried to attain a level of higher tolerance for these insipid plots and mind-numbingly stupid jokes. I would have to say my struggle is harder than Sonic’s.

The Birth of Super Sonic 2

“That should keep him occupied until I think of an actual joke. Hmm… now we haven’t worked in urine yet…”

K-Dog

HEY GUYS, I HEAR THIS SONG MIGHT HAVE SOME SEXUAL INNUENDO, Y’DIG HOMMIE G SKILLET? And he’s ripping off that That’s My Sonic! joke in which his characters point out the sexual innuendo in a song. Granted, this comic is subtle compared to the one Psyguy wrote. I mean, you’d have to be illiterate to not know what he’s getting at.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!

This title sums up my thoughts about this comic exactly.

It must be great for Sonic to have a loving creator who just gives him every goal he wants without, you know, adding any conflict or plot twists that might make the plots kind of interesting.

Majin Buu doesn’t stand a chance

Yes, we get it: Dragonball Z. These references are really clever.

SS3 Sonic is born!

“When I hit Super Sonic 4, my text will simply be a mess of pixels—because, let’s be honest, that’s where it’s headed already.”

This is it!!

You’re damn straight this is it. Let’s just leave this on a cliffhanger and pretend that Sonic died in an explosion of shitty special effects almost as obnoxious as his personality.

-JJW Mezun (January 28, 2011)

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3 Responses to inSONICnia (Archive)

  1. “The effects suck”

    Yet your dumb arse can’t even produce these effects. Not only that, you probably can’t even produce speech bubbles.

    If Sprite comicing was so easy, explain to me why people don’t alwaysm ak

  2. Tyler says:

    Wooow. I think someone’s just pissed that he can’t make a comic as good as inSonicnia. I’ve read A LOT of sprite comics, mostly Sonic-based, and inSonicnia is the best one I’ve ever read. So much so, in fact, that I’ve read through its entirety 4 times, currently on my 5th. So before you go bashing an amazing comic, let’s see you pull off something better. :)

  3. Chazmaster says:

    Jesus, talk about a guy with too much time on his hands. What are you, 12? Get over yourself :U

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