Bowser’s Plan B Part One (Archive)

Here it is, folks: The lowest of the low, the bottom of the barrel, a trite, over-exaggerated analogy comparing it to something popularly viewed negatively to show dislike for it. I actually ran into Bowser’s Plan B years ago. Actually, now that I think about it, I ran into all of the comics I’ve reviewed so far years ago; that’s why I remember them. Shit, when’s the last time a new sprite comic has been made? It seems as if every new up-and-coming sprite comic creator just shits out three of the worst comics in the history of humanity and then just runs away, like a frightened Frankenstein, remorseful at the monster they’ve created. My optimistic side (which is actually very small) says that they’re just doing what I do and don’t publish their work, knowing now that it sucks. Hell, Recon mentioned that he can draw; maybe he’s making not-sprite comics now (and this is good; because he’s the only person among these authors I would call almost-competent). On the other hand, considering how little these people seem to care (I’m looking at you, Hatkirby), I doubt it. Then again, considering the way most people view sprite comics, I wouldn’t be surprised if these people didn’t just kill themselves. Shit, I wouldn’t give a shit, either.

I would make an exception for Chaos, as even though he pretty much says outright a few times that he doesn’t care whether his comic is bad or not, he certainly feels that it isn’t. Glean the top of every page, dear reader, and you will see the most horrifically egotistical bullshit you shall ever view. “This comic cannot be held responsible for any who laugh themselves to death.” Well, that’s good, Chaos, because nobody’s laughing. Besides, what are people going to do, sue the comic? I think you mean that you are not responsible (and trust me, you shall be responsible for no one’s laughter).

I’m going to warn you: This page is rather large. And, worst of all, this is only one-fourth of the comic. As I did in the two NC Fan Comix Forum pages, I included some of the comments; although I did not start this until about comic ten, or so. I don’t think we really missed much, honestly.

And yes, I do plan on reviewing this entire comic. Well, unless it gets too boring. There’s a reason why I didn’t do all of Pokémon-X.

It begins with a Cover page

If it weren’t for the fact that it would be way too egotistical for me—and trust me, Commander Chaos provides enough egotism for the both of us—I would guess that he made this lovely beginning just to spite me. Chaos has pissed me off to great levels in just his first page. I know I’m in for a winner when that happens.

Oh, and he updated this, too. So he looked at it a second time and still thought it was a good idea.

Prologue – Setting the scene…

I must say that this comic is only two comics in and already I am guffawing with delight. For a humor comic there doesn’t seem to be much actual humor anywhere; I just see suspense. Really bad suspense.

Oh, but he’s setting the scene! For instance, he takes this whole comic to tell us that Bowser was defeated by the Mario Bros. and might return—something nobody with any familiarity with the Mario Bros. series would be able to already know. Thank you, Chaos, for that wonderful waste of time. Boring walls of text of exposition, by the way, is the optimal way to begin your comics, for those of you keeping score. Actually, scratch that: fucking cover pages are.

#1 – An Evil Plan…

Stop using ellipses all the God damn time…

Commander Chaos is lucky in regard to the previous two wastes of server space; he has the luxury that once the reader finally reads the actual comics they won’t care, because it sucks so much they would likely rather just look at cover pages.

Honestly now, what is the purpose of this comic? We don’t even get to hear what the plan is, which is fine for suspense, but the previous wall of text already alluded to the fact that Bowser was planning on attacking the Mario Bros. again. What did he think nobody would read the previous comic? Now that is a fair judgment to make, but still. The truth is that there is nothing wrong with this comic; it’s only problem is that it shows how pointless the previous comic was even more. It is as if his subconscious is telling him to get rid of it, it is so bad.

Actually, the worst part of this comic is the fact that “Chaos” praises himself for his “updated” version, which is both pathetic and a completely inaccurate reflection of reality. That criticism I made about Bowser’s Plan B was pretty damn good, if I do say so myself. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to give myself a blow job because I’ve been good today.

#2 – Mushroom + Yoshi = BAAAAD IDEA! (Pt. 1)

I think an equally accurate equation would be Commander Chaos + MS Paint = BAAAAD IDEA! If you actually bother to view any of these comics—and I certainly couldn’t blame you if you didn’t—you would notice how idiotic this title is when you notice that neither Yoshi nor mushrooms appear in this comic. Instead, a suspenseful story where we learn that… some vague thing will do something to Mario and Luigi, and then a crashing sound. Let me just remind you that Chaos promises humor at the beginning of every page, and yet I question how great a punchline the sound “CRASH!!” waking up two plumbers is. I can certainly feel the suspense, though. Things break and wake people up only the thousands of times their cat knocked a vase off of the mantle. I can just taste the adventure as Mario and Luigi throw their cat out in the rain and go back to sleep! A thrilling adventure it shall be!

You may fault me for making faulty assumptions, but God damn it, this is what people are expecting when they see an incompetently-done cliff-hanger such as this before reading the next comic—and let me tell you that the reader is going to want to procrastinate clicking that next button as much as possible. Shit, this is one of the few benefits of having dial-up internet. All of a sudden I miss my shitty Firefox’s refusal to load the pictures (and even though I yelled at that inanimate object for doing so, retrospectively I should have rewarded it considering the material in which I asked it to load.)

You know what, that motherfucker even said it made him “chuckle” in the comments section. Tell me, sir, what was it about this comic that seemed humorous to you? I would love to fucking know.

#2 – Mushroom + Yoshi = BAAAAD IDEA! (Pt. 2)

Hmmm… Okay, let’s attempt—and I should put emphasis on the “attempt” part—to break this comic down and analyze exactly what the fuck is going on here. Something, um… “vaMooses”, whatever the fuck that means (vamoose where? What, did they hussle their merry ways to another comic? Because I could never blame them for that); Mario and Luigi yell in front of a red and yellow gradient, leading me to believe they are in hell or on the sun; they yell “Intervention!” as Yoshi tries to eat a mushroom; and finally, Yoshi pushes the mushroom off of the counter, causing something to go “wooooom!”. This is where we get a deeper look into “Commander Chaos'” mind and get a hint at how mentally-deficient he is. I don’t even want to joke about that, since it might be true; because I do not know what, um… mentally standardized, person would write a script made up entirely of exclamations and sound effects. Other than the “Intervention!” part, everything is a sound effect. And why do they even say that? No, fuck that, why does any of this happen? How did they disappear from their room and warp to the sun? Why did Yoshi just want to push a mushroom off of the counter? What was the point? And was that the object that caused the crash earlier? Because last time I checked mushrooms do not make a crashing sound as they fall. Then again, nobody can “vaMoose”, so it is a futile point.

By the way, he says that it took forever for him to make this, and I must say that the effort shows itself. Also, he asked for comments, so I am totally legitimized against anyone who might claim that I have no right to make fun of this comic (which is a ridiculous declaration to make, anyway). Well, Chaos, I hope you love your comments!

#3 – Enter Toad… (Pt 1.)

I’m being picky here, but that “pt” should have a period after it. I’ll let it slide. This time.

But I don’t need to be picky to show how bad this comic is. In fairness to Chaos, he might have aimed this comic for children, since I cannot imagine any adult getting entertainment out of a rush of brain-dead actions constantly happening. Luigi sucks up the mushroom to prevent Yoshi from eating it and becoming Godzilla, I guess. I don’t remember mushrooms being that potent, but whatever. Face it, Luigi, you just want to keep the shrooms to yourself, you drug addict. I wondered why they called for an intervention, and, God damn it, now I know why.

Luckily for Yoshi, Toad rams Luigi’s ass for no logical reason, with the power of shitty blur effects. Unfortunately, these few early comics are the best-looking ones among the pile. Well, except for the last few, but let’s be honest, nobody’s going to fucking read this tedious shit that far. Fuck, I’ve read all of Pokémon-X, and we all know what a bore that comic is.

#3 – Enter Toad… (Pt 2.)

It’s a good thing Toad decided to play that lovely music before panicking. Mario apparently knows what that horn means, which is good, because Peach would have been fucked because of Toad’s dip-shittery if not. Most people use their mouths when they want to warn of something. They don’t play horns.

Who wants to bet that the plot of Yoshi going after the mushroom will be completely ignored for the rest of the comic?

#4 – The Wario Bros.

Here’s a tip, Chaos: If you feel you must explain the direction in which the dialogue is supposed to be read in your comments, you failed. This is slightly better than your normal way of doing things, in which you just have confusing, down-right incorrect ways of organization and give no indication.

It’s as if Chaos is trying to out-corny Nintendo—and he’s succeeding, God damn him. I feel like I needed some “Wah-wah” music throughout that third paragraph. Also, having your characters laugh at other character’s jokes is a big no-no, especially when they were so unfunny, they’ve become almost dramatic. This might make up for Chaos’ 55th failed attempt at suspense. You know, maybe instead of having a thousand cliff-hangers that we can already guess the answer to—or don’t care, when it is done in a way that seems so non-threatening—you can actually have things happen for once.

#5 – GIANT YOSHI!

Chaos finally concocts what I would call a joke, but he still fucks it up. That punchline—and, yes, he finally actually made a punchline—would have been a lot more humorous if: one, a similar joke wasn’t already done by many others; or two, if you didn’t already give away the joke in Luigi’s dialogue in panel two. Seriously, Chaos? That’s like if I was telling a joke, like “How many congressman does it take to screw in a light bulb”, and I said in the middle “It will have something to do with them screwing the American people”, or some shit like that. I swear to God, Chaos is doing badly on purpose.

And, yes, he did return to the giant Yoshi topic, but only for the nanosecond that first panel takes place in. What purpose did that panel have, anyway? We already could assume Yoshi was going to grow big from the previous clues, and this had absolutely no relevance to Mario and Luigi going to Peach’s. In fact, it would have been better if he had waited and brought that topic back after the readers’ have forgotten about it to surprise them, but then I remember that Chaos cannot be clever enough to surprise, unless it is by being completely random, which is not clever, nor benign in any way.

#6 – Breaking and Entering…

Chaos tells me to appreciate this, damn me, and wants to show how important this is by utilizing two exclamation marks, demonstrating to us all that he has no knowledge of correct grammar. I’m kidding; every dumb ass on the internet does this, and I suspect that none of them paid attention to their English classes. Then again, considering how boring those classes are, and that they focus more on “what bullshit meanings can you make up for this novel” rather than “how do you use a semicolon”, that’s not a surprise.

I must say that Chaos is clever in his capabilities to find a new way to piss me off in every comic. So Yoshi isn’t gigantic anymore, I see; making the past plot of Yoshi eating the mushroom and becoming giant completely fucking pointless. This would be tolerable if that pointlessness was funny, but it wasn’t; it was stupid. And pointless. And why is Wario so scared of Yoshi making a mean face at him? He had no problem blurrily ramming that same person before; now he’s scared shitless? I mean for God’s sake, Wario, you have a big-ass bomb right behind you. And most importantly, nothing funny happens in this comic, unless you count laughing at Waluigi’s odd decision to wear one brown shoe and one black shoe.

#7 – Battle ‘twixt Warios and Yoshi Pt. 1

Abort mission? I wish I could say “abort comic”. Well, at least this motherfucker finally figured out how to spell “pt.” correctly. Baby steps, Chaos.

Once again, Chaos shows his skill of making a comic made-up entirely of yells and onomatopoeias, and shows his desire to be the new Mort Walker and make up his own, such as “Ka-stuck!” and “Glomph!” Unfortunately, Chaos spent so much time inventing those lovely words that he neglected to complete the actual humor portion of his project, and I must give him an F for that.

#7 – Part Two, (also titled Holy Frack 5 panels!)

Oh shit, five panels? Somebody get a straight-jacket on this guy, he’s wild! Well, other than the one he must already be wearing, considering some of the random bullshit he has in some of his comics.

Jesus, does every word in this comic have to be a fucking catch-phrase? Even in the video games, the characters talked more natural than this. It is as if Wario, Waluigi, and Yoshi prepared for this encounter for months, and are now performing it for an audience. Technically, that last part is true, but you shouldn’t indicate that that is true, unless it’s for humorous reasons, which couldn’t be the case because Chaos has yet to be funny.

#8 – Temporary exit of the Wario bros

Temporary use of different capitalization for the titles.

God, there’s so much wrong, this article will eventually be the size of a fucking book. Why are you, lunatic, using English so wrong? Why is Bowser laughing at his plan failing? (Actually, he’s always seemed kind of mentally unstable, so I’ll accept Chaos’ decision to have that). The important thing is that Chaos, once again, foreshadows—but not the good foreshadowing, which is subtle, but the kind where the author pretty much says “this is what will happen in the future”—events that nobody will give two shits about when they finally come around.

More story? What story? Recapping what happened, and saying what will happen? Nothing even happened; just talking about the past and future. Then again, maybe I just couldn’t understand it all, since I was confused as to what the fuck “off the cuff originally” is supposed to mean.

#9 – DK: In Da House

And this is where it goes to mildly unattractive to God damn mutated-looking. I know, I know; it’s his older work, which has yet to be updated, but come on. How long does it take to update this shit? The fact remains that this comic still looks like ass, just like it did when he first published it. I mean, how could anyone even in the earlier, innocent years of the internet possible think that those were tolerable word bubbles? They’re not. They’re a God damn crime against humanity, and most importantly, against eyes. I mean, for God’s sake, the motherfucker didn’t even position the panels correctly. It goes left to right, then down; not up, down, right, up, down, etc. Get with the fucking program, Chaos.

#10 – DK Gets Whupped

This is just a mess. A God damn mess. A mess of unorganized dialogue, a mess of incorrectly-organized panels, with the tackiest explosion image, blurred with the power of low-quality, for seasoning. You know how many people give their family members fucking fruit cake, even though nobody wants to eat that shit? Well, that would be the equivalent of giving them this comic.

Some anonymous user said, and I quote, “Not funny”, which one might expect me to praise, but… really? Out of this whole mess, your only comment was “not funny”? Yes, it’s certainly true; but it’s also not a lot of things, which are much more pressing.

Actually, now that I think about it, with all of this analysis, I totally forgot that the whole point of this comic was to entertain. Shit, the motherfucker even promises it at the top of every page.

Jason Of Doom says:

The guy who said “it doesn’t make sense” obviously didnt read top-to-bottom.

Yeah, he reads this comic like a normal person would read it! What a dumb shit. Shit, all he had to do was take the few minutes of annoying confusion to figure it out. Of course, by then a sane person would realize how horrible the comic is, so that’s obviously a problem. Seriously, though; blaming this guy would be like blaming someone for reading the words “me” and “I” as first-person words, instead of second-person words, because the person who wrote it decided to change it on a whim. Look, I hate rules too; but in this case we need them so everyone knows what the fuck they’re reading. That’s called “communication”, the main purpose of a comic, other than entertainment, which Chaos fails at even more.

50nic_t43_43dg340g says:

Yeeeah I’m just going to jump ahead to where the text bubbles are decent.

Great. I’ll meet you at comic #64.

Somebody named SKIDD complained about how DK captured Pauline, not Peach. Once again, I question how these are the flaws people notice, or they either feel it futile to try to bug him to fix the real problems, or they’re afraid. Still, it is a flaw, and Chaos could have easily said “Yeah, whoops. Oh well,” or something like that. You know, not a big deal. But what does our great commander say?

Yeah sure, I’m so interested. Artistic License. Go look it up sometime. I don’t do things in this comic the way Nintendo does it – I borrow parts and invent other stuff, as otherwise the comic would get real crap real fast. Go nitpick somewhere else.

Wow, what an asshole. He wasn’t even funny asshole, like how Seanbaby makes fun of his readers; he just straight-up said “Fuck you.” Also, “I’m an artiste, and don’t need you proletariats—look it up sometime—telling me how to run this.”

Also, the comic “would get real crap real fast”? Well, it sure as shit went faster than you believe—as in, right when you decided to put in the stupid-ass cover page. Hell, I hated this comic before I even looked at it, thanks to that banner at the top. Besides, go look up how to write correct English, when you’re not looking up what you believe are intellectualist phrases in your spare time.

#11 – Kamek will burn…

Admire that red face Bowser has on that last panel (at least I hope it’s supposed to be the last panel. Who knows with Chaos’ shitty panel organization?), “cos” it took him forever to do. You know, I love how he had the dedication to do all of that (which could be done in seconds on GIMP, which is free) and yet he couldn’t take the effort to make a little extra room for his dialogue—or even make fucking tails for God’s sake. He literally just took the text tool, typed up his inane dialogue, and left it there. Finished. That’s like turning in a rough draft for your final paper. And in school you don’t get extra credit for making red faces on your paper.

Commander Chaos apparently muted himself in the user comments, which is good for everyone, trust me.

By the way, I love how Nintendude says, “Yeah Bowser looks good, it’s better than any stupid 3D sprite.” Was that supposed to be sarcastic, or something? Nobody even brought up 3-D sprites. In fact, I’m not sure if there is even such a thing as a 3-D “sprite”, they’re something else. Besides, that would look even tackier, which would be quite a milestone for Chaos here.

#12 – Punishment in two places..

This time with only 2/3rds of the ellipses, for extra grammatical incompetence.

I truly hope Chaos actually remembers to tell a story sometime soon (that’s called alliteration. Look it up sometime).

Let’s just focus on the first panel. Look at this; it’s ass. Lava isn’t just solid red, and the horizon line definitely should not go part-way over the castle. And what the fuck does “milord” mean?

Anonymous says:

This comic isn’t even funny.

Stunning analysis, “Anonymous”. And here I thought I actually had to explain myself. Well, I’ll just fill in the rest of these 130 comics with “Not funny” and call it a day. Good night!

SilverSyntho says:

It’d be funny if you weren’t a complete ASS,

So that’s how you find the entertainment hidden (and it’s hidden God damn deep, I tell you) within this comic? Make myself not an anatomical part? Seriously, this comment is just “Oh yeah, well you’re a poopy head!” You could at least learn how to use a fucking comma correctly before taunting people (hint: It isn’t a period).

I personally like the idea that Yoshi is too tired to get food; a shyguy would be like a pizza delivery to him…only, he’d be eating the delivery boy rather than the pizza itself.

SilverSyntho sure thought about the implications of this seemingly simple joke a lot more than Chaos did.

MontyEggman says:

Nice work.

I don’t know if he’s praising the comic or the genius burn SilverSyntho delivered. I’m also not sure which one to feel worse about.. (Remember, only use two periods for ellipses to be creative.)

PlayerOne says:

Ya know whats pathetic? you won’t even show who you are! Dis chaos’s comic to his face atleast!

Yeah, ya mothuh fuckin’ cracker! The least you could have done was make up a false name like “PlayerOne”; now that’s ballsy! Diss (and that’s actually the correct way to spell it—look it up sometime) Chaos to his face? None of you even know what he looks like—and, likely, nobody wants to. Either way, I shouldn’t even have to elaborate any more on how ridiculous this comment was.

Nintendude says:

Try making the lava in this comic the Super mario world lava, maybe it will look good.

I’m just pointing this out to show what competent commentary is—unlike the garbage I vomit out.

Duran says:

I take it back; this is definitely the best comment I’ve ever seen.

#13 – Cameo appearance…

It says something about a comic when its title alone makes my stomach feel queasy.

You know, Chaos, when you set up jokes, you actually have to tell them afterwards; otherwise it’s all nugatory. Bowser hurting someone isn’t humor, especially when we don’t even see the damage he does. Besides, why would you try to do physical humor in a sprite comic, anyway? Were you hoping Conker would have a “cartoonish charred ashes” sprite somewhere? Pretty disappointed when you found out it never existed, huh.

And care to explain why Kamek talks like a French person? No? Then you fail at telling the joke there, son. Oh well, I guess there’s always collecting stamps.

I was ecstatic to hear from Chaos himself that this comic was pretty much useless after he realized that Conker did not make a good fit for his comic. Most people decide not to bother then, but Chaos decided to fill time up with one shitty comic before he finally, eventually got to some kind of story. Hopefully. Oh! But, wait! This comic has symbolism! Why, you’re a regular Jenn Manley Lee (look it up sometime), aren’t you.

Anonymous says:

The comics keep getting worse and worse. What the hell is Conker doing in it?!

I swear to God, this fucking comments section is patterned. Well, at least “Anonymous”—who’s too much of a pussy to use a real name, amirite?—made a better complaint than “not funny”. Sniff, they grow up so fast.

Chaos graces us with his majesty:

It’s called a cameo. Duh. And don’t try the: ‘But he’s not Nintendo’ crap with me. Conker’s Bad Fur Day. NINTENDO 64.

It’s not the fact that he’s a cameo that’s bad; it’s the fact that it’s a pointless cameo. Also, who gives a shit if it’s Nintendo? That could have been Goombario and it still would have been pointless.

The mediocre one says:

don’t listen to anonymous fuckers, the more you respond, the more they will go on.

Yes, and then they may actually convince you into writing better quality works! No, don’t listen to those infidels! Join the mediocre side with me!

MontyEggman says:

Random cameos, random killings, who could ask for a better comic? ^_^

People with standards.

Nintendude says:

Wants with the white squares!

are you making bubbles in the wrong place?

You know, I totally fucking forgot to mention that. Don’t go too far, Nintendude; I don’t want you to upstage me here. You could maybe spell-check your responses, though.

Zippo Prower says:

I like this comic yet the unrevamped ones look so bad. I still like the comic, though!

Please don’t yell at me!

#14 – Prelude to a battle…

Chaos really knows how to be straightforward with his titles. He might as well name one of them “Luigi hits someone with a hammer in this one…” Good to see he’s still overusing those ellipses. Well, at least he figured out how to use one now.

Good to see he still hasn’t figured out how to organize panels correctly, despite someone making a complaint to him about it. Also, wasn’t Rookie and Bowser the same person—oh wait! I’m being nitpicky, here! Don’t want to ruin Commander Chaos’ Artistic License. In truth, he can bullshit as much as he wants if he makes a fucking joke for once. He does have a cliff-hanger again, though, despite there still not being any resemblance of a story. I can’t even complain about what’s missing from his comic, because I don’t know if it’s supposed to be a gag comic, a suspense story, or both. Then again, it doesn’t matter—since he fails on all of those fronts.

Apparently Chaos beat me to the punch on criticizing his “mad but good idea”, with reduced commas for extra confusion. Do any of the people who make sprite comics even go to school, or do they just stay home all day and make sprite comics. Actually, I doubt that last part, since nobody with that much time to work on these comics would make this lazy shit. Which brings me to my answer—if he’s too lazy to draw dialogue tails, he sure as shit won’t take the time to spell-check his work. I’m sure he did take forever to come up with that name “Ninty”, though. It’s those little details that truly make Bowser’s Plan B tolerable to read. Oh wait, no they don’t; they don’t fucking help at all.

Pancake mix says:

i’m just going to start rating all your comics to balance that Anonymous guy who seems to take pleasure in being a dick.

I was trying to think of something to say in response, but I can’t really think of anything. Just gaze with wonder at the ridiculousness our society possesses. I wonder if these people act like this in real life; because I wouldn’t be too surprised.

MontyEggman says:

Anoymous, you keep saying you hate the comic, yet you still keep coming back…This means that you must LIKE the comic, but don’t want to admit it for some reason. o_O…

Or maybe he wants him to improve himself and not do the equivalent of urinating himself in front of everyone. And then having the others talk about how great it is. Hey, that’s how I see it.

PlayerOne says:

it’s called machochism

No, that’s masochism; but points for trying.

#15 – Multi-man melee!

No ellipses? Man, that’s like if The Simpsons neglected to do a couch gag. I read this comic specifically to see those ellipses!

Is it me, or does it seem as if Chaos just sneezed on his monitor, and this is the residue of his mucus? Because that thought I had seemed a lot funnier than anything I could ever read in this comic. Although I will say that Yoshi’s punchline at the end was sure a knee-slapper. However he thought up the idea of cute little Yoshi being a bad ass, Chaos is a genius for it, I’m sure.

Chaos, you need to learn to explain your made-up phrases when you use them, so people know what you’re saying. Similar to the way you use unorthodox panel organization. Again. “Stereotypical-but-crap”? That sounds like some shitty band name.

Anonymous, yes, says:

What kind of piece of crap explosion is that? Mario can’t make people explode by hitting them with his hammer!

Fuck this comic; the comments are a thousand times funnier. I swear to God, Chaos sets up this pattern up himself, and he should be knighted for it.

I will say, though, I take back what I said before; Chaos’ comic itself actually made me laugh. I don’t know what you’re talking about, Anonymous; exploding people with hammers is hilarious as shit—especially when the explosions look like that. Now let’s watch Chaos make a thousand comics with just hammers exploding things and ruin the joke. Just watch.

SilverSyntho says:

You know what, Anonymous? You make me sick. If you’d bother to actually READ THE F*CKING COMIC, you’d know that Mario didn’t make the explosion. Luigi did, with a Fire Flower. Why don’t you show your face, you coward?

God damn it, Syntho, don’t ruin the joke for me—it’s all I have here. Well, fuck you; if Chaos can make Nintendo canon up, I can make Bowser’s Plan B canon up. Mario exploded Rookie with his hammer, and that’s that. End of story.

Besides, you can’t make someone blow up by throwing fireballs at them, either, unless they had gasoline poured on them, which I personally don’t remember happening. So Chaos still fucked up. At least let his fuck-up actually be funny for once.

And back to the coward bullshit? None of you are showing your faces, for God’s sake! For one thing, it is federal law that none of you show your faces in public, or else people’s eyes might melt.

Nintendude says:

Uh, in the game this comic takes place, Mario shoots red fireballs, and Where is Yoshi in the 3rd panel?

Honestly, knowing Chaos’ panel organization, the next logical question would be “which is the 3rd panel?” I see Yoshi in all eight, so maybe Nintendude received the extended version somehow.

Duran says:

If u mean the second panel, he’s right above Rookie’s head, in the third panel he’s in the little kitchen-thing. Oh, and anonymous, go take a swim in the River Styx, you dumb sh*t.

Wow, Anonymous pissed everyone off so much, even Duran broke his vow of silence, which will cost him his afterlife. You know, how come people call Anonymous a pussy for not using a different alias—and really, there are all “anonymous”-es, no matter how much they bullshit—but nobody for censoring their own fucking curses. Oh, sorry, I mean f*cking. I bet you can’t tell what f*cking is, what with that magical asterisk!

#16 – Rookie’s defeat and subsequent punishment

You know that joke I made about Chaos just being straightforward in his titles. This title changes that from exaggerative joke to completely accurate reflection of reality.

By the way, I hope that dialogue in panel three is aimed at the author; it would be the most accurate thing ever said in this comic.

And let’s just cheer for that wall of text in panel four! Who needs to show things in a visual medium, when we can just use good ‘ol text, amirite? Especially when you don’t even have to fucking draw it.

If you want a summary of the user comments for this comic—and I know you love these user comments—it’s basically “buh buh buh buh”. Ha ha! Fuck you, invisible strangers. And I actually had the balls to come up with a falsified alias to go by, so what now?

#17 – Fox??? Killing for money???

Chaos??? Using too many question marks???

Thank you for giving me a headache, Chaos. It’s not as if your readers wouldn’t enjoy pain. Please remember, by the way, I’m a professional at reading bad sprite comics; others do not have that luxury. A novice would go blind in one second. Oh well, the headache was certainly worth the hilarious jokes Chaos told… oh wait, there were none. Sorry.

So this motherfucker does go to school. Hey, how about you pay more attention to English class… oh wait, they never teach jack shit in that class anyway. Nevermind.

SilverSyntho says:

I know this sounds awful…but where’d you find the Fox Mcloud sprites? Nice comic, by the by.

Sounds awful? Yes, I personally always get offended when people ask where I get my sprites. You know what, Anonymous may not have the balls to make an original name to go by, but at least he’s not a whipped worm, I’m just saying. What are you afraid Chaos is going to do, type more mean, misspelled words? Oh shit, he’s using that comma wrong—run motherfucker!

PlayerOne says:

You suck Anonymous

I can guess that some of you may be complaining about me being a negative, heartless asshole for making fun of this guy and his comic, while all of his supporters are so nice for supporting him. That’s cool. But allow me to point out that “Anonymous” here, if I am correct, never said one bad thing about Chaos himself, just his shitty comic. Meanwhile, these people have said nothing but bad things about Anonymous himself, as a person. I’m just saying: I may be an asshole, but so are his supporters. So there!

After perusing earlier comics I did find that Anonymous called people who liked his comic “retarded two year olds”, making sure to say “two-year-olds” incorrectly, so I take back what I said. Still, these people continue to do it, and do it more, so they’re still bigger assholes. Besides, if it’s bad for people to complain about the comic, then why have a comments section? So people can just blindly praise the comic like the mindless drones who commented on Chaos’ first comic real comic (not counting the useless cover and prologue bullshit)? I don’t fucking think so. The only place I expect to get mindless devotion is Fox News—well, and every other political work of “art” ever created; and they at least usually get paid for it. Shit, even Micah gets paid for his shitty propaganda posters.

#18 – Desert Rage / The Pistol Whip

Here’s a tip, Chaos. Actually, here’s a few:

1. Actually tell a joke. This one had less importance, since I had already given up on this prayer pages ago.

2. You know what my favorite part of your shitty panel organization? I have to scroll down, and then back up! Twice the fucking fun.

3. Fix those hammer bros’ shadows, God damn it, they be ugly as shit.

After reading Chaos’ comment, I have a few more things to say. First, unless you worked at Nintendo of Japan back in the late 80’s, that background is not “custom”, and it did not “take ages” to get, unless you count the time it took for you to get to that level in SMB3 and the time it took to figure out how to take screenshots in Zsnes. Second, I’m pretty certain the enemies in Mario games only go after Mario or Luigi, since there’s nobody else around to go after. I never saw a Goomba just go up and bitch-slap a Koopa, but maybe I just don’t pay enough attention.

Anonymous says:

Super Mario bros three? Why would Bowser’s minions attack fox if he’s working for Bowser?

You need to give up trying to make sense of this comic, as I did pages ago.

Besides, those motherfuckers attack you when you’re on Bowser’s side, anyway; remember SMRPG? Yes, I am defending Commander Chaos; but only because I’m afraid he’ll give me more stern yells if I don’t say nice things about him, like SilverSyntho, or whatever his name was. And Pancake mix. You need to go back to being food, God damn it. I don’t enjoy all of this personification trickery!

Commander Chaos says:

Playing on the fact that a)Bowser is lazy, hence the whole hitman thing, and so he hasn’t told the minions not to shoot Fox.
b) They attack anything that moves in the games.

Bonus points for not being a dick about it; being an asshole is my job, God damn it. He could have just did what PlayerOne did and say “You suck”, without explaining himself. You know, the dumb ass weasel way of doing things.

Anonymous says:

They don’t attack eachother

Nobody can attack an imaginary word, Anonymous. Thanks for stealing my criticism, by the way, asshole. Go make yourself a fake name, like MegaYoshi12, and then maybe you can make fun of Mario fan comics; until then, you’re just not cool enough.

The mediocre one says:

How would you know, have you seen what they do when Mario isn’t around?

Jesus, do I even have to make fun of this? One, logic would argue that soldiers do not attack each other when nobody’s around just for fun. U.S. soldiers don’t just beat the fuck out of each other when not fighting Afghans just for the fun of it. They may rape each other or beat up other people for not following their religion (okay, threaten to, for those who might be nitpicky) though. Two, this is like saying that you don’t know that Luigi doesn’t masturbate to Goomba porn because you’ve never seen him at night. Three, you people really need to learn how to use a comma correctly; you’ve heard of a semicolon, am I correct?

PlayerOne says:

You suck Anonymous

He’s so patterned, he forgot to use a comma and period again. Technically, he told somebody to give Anonymous a blow job. See? This is why commas were invented, dip shit. Or will he say “You suck comma” next?

Anonymous says:

“oooh, im anonymous! im a total fag! my mom’s a crack whore and my dads dead, he killed himself cuz he’s retarded, just like me!” seriously, tho, great comic.

Wait… Is Anonymous making fun of himself? Wow, after reading this I think Anonymous might have more personal problems than I originally thought. Jesus, talk about letting the skeletons out of your closet.

#19 – Bill Blasters Rock Hard

Translated Awfully Comic Title. At least that’s what it sounds like to me.

Wait… But weren’t you the one who shot him with the Bullet Bill, Fox? Then what, did he just get attacked by a Bullet Bill for no reason? Just for laughs? Maybe Chaos is trying to show us how the enemies attack each other—sorry, “eachother”—because you know they do that in the game when Mario and Luigi are gone. At night. When Luigi’s jerkin’ it to PlayGoomba.

As for the comments, Anonymous just wrote a question mark—likely for the same reason I would—and the others mock him for not blindly dick-sucking Chaos. Also, no, PlayerOne still hasn’t figured out how to use a comma. You guys better get to sucking Anonymous; PlayerOne’s getting impatient.

#20 – The fox hunt commences…

Back to those good old ellipses! Home sweet home!

I’m sorry, Chaos, I didn’t understand any of your comic because none of your characters talk like real humans. So, basically, this is just like every other comic of yours… You suck Mezun

Oh, Boshi’s a sponge now? Thanks for explaining it to me, instead of making it understandable in your actual comic itself. You’re just like fucking T.S. Eliot; nobody understands his shitty Waste Land, they just hear others explain it to them. Actually, that’s a little mean to Eliot; he at least knew how to use a comma correctly.

Anonymous says:

Boshi is not Yoshi’s cousin either. Are you obsessed with cousins?

For this travesty, I shall rate you only one! Is that the only complaint you could come up with? Besides, we don’t know what their relationship is, really, so he could be whatever the fuck anyone wants him to be. Shit, Boshi could be Yoshi’s boyfriend for all we know. Hell, I’d believe that before I’d believe Chaos’ bullshit about the enemies attacking anything that moves.

Commander Chaos gives pity on us mortals, and gives us this brilliant gift:

‘cuz, doesn’t have to mean literal cousin. It is anold slang term of endearment. Try reading sometime.

Uh, you may want to read a little more there; because I think you just sexually molested the English language there. Besides, why would Boshi call Yoshi by a term of “endearment”, unless I was right about Yoshi and Boshi being lovers? He’ll probably just use it to cynically garner yaoi fans—it’s all about getting the niches now.

PlayerOne says:

You suck Anonymous

Don’t worry; you’ll figure those pesky commas out eventually. Remember: Baby steps.

Nintendude says:

Hey I think you got panels 2 and 3 mixed around, Mario and Luigi was outside of the room with a pipe, and suddenly their back in the room not knowing Fox is there?

I just hope Chaos will finally listen to someone for once and fix his shitty organization—For my sanity’s sake.

#21 – Crazee Flip? / Fox vs. Mario Bros.

Every sentence—every fucking word—of this comic is just an obnoxious, cliché, cocky phrase. And when I say “cocky”, I mean it’s like having a deranged, jackass clown shove his huge, hairy phallus down your God damn throat. This comic’s dialogue is pain personified, it’s so bad. I already have a headache. Oh wait, I had one pages ago.

Commander Chaos says:

Yeah, Crazee Flip! It’s taking the mick out of the more ridiculous comic-book sound effects.

So… It takes an Irishman out of ridiculous comic book sound effects?

The mediocre one says:

I really think you need to change the comic patern, I just can’t rmember that they go donw then the next collum, also the speech bubbles at appropriate heights would be good.

Were you drunk when you wrote this? Because if English was your spouse, I would report you for spousal abuse.

Also, actually drawing tails for the dialogue so we know who’s talking would be pretty fucking great, too. You know, it’s gotten so bad that even The mediocre one’s pushing for more effort. And this guy is so mediocre that he only capitalizes the first word of his name, despite it being a proper noun. You know, English is a good gal; you should treat her better.

MontyEggman says:

Just one point off because of the text ballons, but overall, pretty good.

Wait, you just noticed this, you guys? It’s been like that for the entire fucking comic. Well, not counting the first eight—for anyone reading now. But for you guys, they sucked ass, too. Actually, I’ve never heard of a “word ballon“, so maybe he’s commenting on something else.

#22 – Hunting horn: Tally-Hoooooo!

Tacky fonts won’t stop Chaos! This is actually very unfortunate.

And now that I think about it, the font he normally uses is pretty fugly, too. I mean, look at those commas, if you can even recognize them. No wonder he never uses them; he’s probably afraid they’ll break his computer screen with their ugliness.

And why were you so afraid of that fireball, Fox? Considering you had enough time to panic, and get out that shield before it hit you, I would say it wasn’t that fast. Shit, you could have just jumped out of the way in a fraction of the time it took you to remember that you had a shield. Besides, it seems like all that fireball does is make your face black, like some racist, blackface joke generator. I prefer my fireballs to be racially progressive, thank you.

Commander Chaos says:

Where would a fox-hunt be without a hunting horn?

Hopefully better than this comic.

Anonymous says:

Fox’s shield sprite is a little bit cut off, and why does Fox run away if he’s winning a fight against the Mario bros.?

It never ends. I know I said Anonymous was reasonable before, and he’s right about that God damn shield, but has he even been paying attention (I can’t blame him for not paying attention to this mess, but still)? Even I know that Chaos used an idiotic deus ex machina to find a quick and easy way to end the battle.

Commander Chaos says:

1. the cut off bit is coloured red, as the fireball has just bounced off it.

He also answered the second question, but I just did that, so we don’t need to hear it again. Anyway, Chaos’ explanation makes sense until you come to the realization that that means Fox held his shield with the thin side facing Mario. This begs the question, “was Fox dropped on his head as a baby?” I know that’s probably not Nintendo canon; but hey, “Artistic License”, remember. DK captured Peach, Rookie is Bowser’s cousin, enemies attack each other for no logical reason, and Yoshi and Boshi are lovers. Let me just say that Chaos’ additions really richen Miyamoto’s original concept.

Duran says:

HAHAHA!! mcCloud, you yellow bastard, I always knew you were a coward! (I kinda prefered the idea that he was gonna fry, tho…)

Duran seems to have some problem with Fox—evident by him breaking his religious silence again just to complain about him. My guess is that maybe Fox killed his father, or something.

#23 – Pimpmobile Theft Auto

Super Awkward Title Pun Bros.

Chaos, what the fuck is that? Don’t say “what?” to me. I’m talking about that blurry mess, with that lovely white ring around it for extra tackiness. I’m only talking like this because this is akin to the family dog shitting on the carpet. Do that kind of Photoshop vomit outside, damn it.

By the way, could someone please tell me what that blurry stain in panel two is? And how does Fox just take Wario’s car? Did Wario just leave the keys in there? Dumb shit. Then again, maybe Fox swiped them from him while he was standing in place, thinking probably two minutes worth of thoughts. What, he can’t think and walk at the same time? Because he certainly made little progress between those two walls of text he had. Sure, they’re not very big; but that’s only in relation to the rest of the comic, which is bigger than the sun.

Anonymous says:

What the…? Why is Yoshi a ball? And what the heck is Wario doing there?

I think the better question is how you knew that mess was Yoshi. I thought for a second a fly flew by and I swatted it there, and just forgot.

Commander Chaos:

1. SSBM – Yoshi rolls in an egg to move faster than his running speed.

2. Wario is there because he’s packing up his stuff to leave the Mushroom Kingdom in shame, after a yoshi beat him and Waluigi.

Yes, but he doesn’t move faster by turning himself into a blurry mess in SSBM—at least he doesn’t in my copy.

MontyEggman says:

So? It’s funny. That’s all that matters.

Stop your questioning, heretic! The terrorists will win! I would question what he actually thought was funny about this comic—well, other than Chaos’ belief that this was ever presentable work—but then I think he’s just trying to get favor with our great Commander (Commander of what, anyway?) You know, if you guys really like Chaos, why hadn’t any of you showed him where he could get this program called “GIMP”, and maybe he wouldn’t have the equivalent of a five-year-old wetting their bed.

Nintendude says:

It’s called More jokes from a past character anonymos guy?

I’ve never heard of that literary device, but maybe I’m just not as educated as Nintendude is. Maybe he meant a “reference to past work”, but decided to word it in the most awkward way possible.

#24 – The Chase

The ugliness. Jesus, Chaos; couldn’t you have at least made something look tolerable? We need a special Nuremberg trial for sprite comics, so we can finally punish Chaos for his crimes against eyeballs.

Commander Chaos says:

Oh god these were a nightmare to make. In the end the pages that were blurred were taking so long that I gave up. It shows. Bugger. Oh well, It still makes me chuckle.

Not as much of a nightmare to make as it was to read. And don’t apologize for giving up on blurring everyone; apologize for not stopping sooner. His laziness does make him chuckle though, I guess. The only thing that makes me chuckle is the thought that anyone who made this could even figure out how to plug in their mouse. Maybe Anonymous was there to yell “You’re doing it wrong. That should be plugged in there. Not funny. (Vote 1)”, which would be more helpful than Pancake Mix sending e-mails that just have the number five typed a million times.

Anonymous says:

Yoshi cannot run faster than a car. Horrible bluring effect. I can see a huge white outline around everything that you blured.

All legitimate complaints (for once). So what does our Commander Chaos reply with?

Commander Chaos says:

1. He can in my comic.

2. I don’t care, these pages were done while I was semi-drunk.

By “these pages were done while semi-drunk,” do you mean “I did every single one of these comics while semi-drunk”? And by “semi-drunk”, do you mean “completely fucking wasted”? This actually explains everything.

Nintendude says:

Hope most of your comics are not like this one.

Ha ha ha! Even Nintendude thought this comic was shit. This is the equivalent of a tyrant’s last days, when our “Commander’s” incompetent ruling goes so far that the people finally start speaking up and overthrow him. Then again, could anyone honestly praise this comic?

Duran says:

YES!!!!!!!!! HAHA!!! there it is! 5!

Apparently, Duran could. Shit, he’s so excited about that God damn Fox dying that he’s probably printed this comic and hung it on his wall, just so he can always see it when he goes to sleep. If you ever want Duran to like your comic, all you have to do is have Fox die. Hell, I’m now going to create a comic called “Fox Gets Killed”, in which Fox is killed in every comic.

#25 – The Crash

Chaos won first prize at his Kindergarten art competition for this masterpiece, narrowly beating Timmy Henderson’s, which was really just him rubbing his snot on a piece of paper. Maybe Chaos made this comic look like shit on purpose, trying to be funny. I’ll admit that it is funnier than anything else he’s ever produce—except, of course, the hammer-created explosions part.

Anonymous says:

Tsk, tsk. So many plot holes.

I have to put it to Anonymous; he makes a great companion to my commentary, because he rarely ever makes the same complaints as I do. He’s a nitpicker; while I may be too focused on the fact that the comic looks like road-killed feline, he focuses on the plot holes. This is an invalid complaint, I believe, since you actually need a real plot for there to actually be holes in. Hell, this comic’s art is so bad, it verges on incomprehensibility.

MontyEggman:

Plotholes can be fun.

Just a single point off because of the blur effects, but it’s still not too bad.

That’s like replying to someone complaining to an airport that one of their airplanes crashed into their house, “Getting your house destroyed is fun!” You know, I swear that MontyEggman is just a character from Dilbert who somehow escaped into the real world.

Well, at least his flimsy excusing won’t go far enough to excuse the blurring. Well, he complains about it at least. That blurring is so bad that it even goes below these guys’ standards. That’s like baking a cake that even a starving hobo wouldn’t eat.

Duran:

F*CKIN’ YAAASSSSS!!!!!! DIE, MCCLOUD, DIE!!! (insert insane laughter here) (note: I’m not a liar, I’ll be rating all of your comics straight 5’s now.) WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!

This is why they shouldn’t give insane asylum patients access to the internet.

#26 – Hail the conquering hero!

#26 – Hail the conquering hero!

Panel one is completely useless. It is also completely hideous.

Sorry, it’s all useless and ugly. He did show his skills to make Bowser’s face green this time, and for some reason thought that was the optimal manner in which to depict Bowser disgusted. By the way, care to explain what that mutant Shy Guy thing is? That looks like what a Shy Guy would look like in that Super Mario Bros. movie.

By the way, Chaos, having your character consistently kick ass does not constitute an entertaining character. He’s just an annoying, pissant Mary Sue.

Anonymous:

The Mario Bros. don’t have a theatre in their house. What the hell are Koopa Kredits? How can the theatre be bigger than the Yoshi theatre, when it is the Yoshi theatre?

You know, you can complain about Anonymous hating this comic, but he sure cares more about it than anyone else does; he truly digs deep into the meaning of Chaos’ literary work. Personally, I would just think “what’s the point of this stupid shit again” and just skip the rest of it, simply because I don’t want to scar my brain by looking at it anymore.

Commander Chaos:

It’s really very simple. I thought that, seeing as the Marios are constantly grabbing coins and getting immensely rich, they would buy a massive tv screen for their house. Then I found out that the only sprite background I could use that came close to that was the Yoshi Theatre. Koopa Kredits = Fictional currency. I thought that the coins needed a name. Koopa Kredits sounded good. It’s also what they were called int he old Mario Bros TV show, and the movie as well. Try reading the comic, then commenting. Also, if my comic offends you so much, then don’t read it!

If asking clarifying questions is complaining, then my language arts class must have been all about making fun of novelists and poets. I wonder what would happen if any of these people actually met a real asshole.

Also, they already had a name: They’re fucking coins. Play the game, and commen… oh, whatever.

PlayerOne:

He a masochist.

Hey, he actually figured out how to spell “masochist”! I hope he eventually figured out how that comma works. He still apparently never heard of the word “is”, though, so there’s still more learning for him.

Filler #1 – Havoc’s B’day

Happy birthday, “Havoc”—any relation to “Chaos”?—now here’s the equivalent of flaming dog shit left on your front step. He made sure to add the tritest, cliché joke ever that it might be offensive. Oh, and by the way; none of your readers give a shit about some person they’ve never heard about—at least I have yet to see him mentioned—growing one year older. Leave your personal life to yourself.

Anonymous:

More like, Crappy Birthday.

Finally, Anonymous is showing some balls. Damn straight. Oh shit, I just realized that was a pun. Ho ho ho, you’re just a master of humor, aren’t you?

Commander Chaos:

WTF? I did this in about 2 minutes cos I was being nice to a friend. Screw you.

Wait, so you half-assed it to be nice? Some friend you are to him.

Nintendude:

well that’s nice to your friend.

that’s pretty nice of you.

We heard you the first time, when you also forgot how to capitalize the first word of a sentence.

Oh sorry about the 3, I just thought you needed a background?

Personally, I thought he needed a joke. Who apologizes for rating something medium, and then explains why they did it? You had a legitimate reason to rate this guy down. Shit, considering that this comic has no entertainment value at all, I think three is a pretty high rank. You guys do know that ranking is completely pointless when no matter what he does he gets a five.

#27 – Bowser’s Father-Son Guide to Evil

It’s stupefying to think that with all of the writing Chaos did, and then having to put that writing in its graphical element, he somehow forgot to include a joke of some kind. At least I don’t consider not trusting someone, having trouble jumping over lava, calling someone stupid, or giant chain chomps humorous.

What more do I need to be happy, Chaos? A joke. Humor. That thing you stupidly promise right at the top of every page. And no, I shall never let that go.

Anonymous:

Where are they going?

Where’s this comic going? (Hint: Nowhere). You know, most people think to wait until the next comic. That’s like if I e-mailed Brian Clevenger and asked him to tell me how he plans to end 8-Bit Theater early so I don’t have to read it. Then again, that last part probably explains why Anonymous wants to know.

Apparently everyone else is amazed that Anonymous gave more than a three. I like to think that after that birthday bullshit, he realized that there needed to be a standard to compare the truly awful Bowser’s Plan B comics to just the regularly bad comics to. Then again, in his defense, at least Chaos didn’t completely screw this comic up. He still has shitty dialogue boxes, though. I hope he fixed that soon.

#28 – The next stage of the plan… / Cretin Koopa

I missed you, my lovely ellipses!

Saying weird words a lot is not a joke. I can have my characters say “Stop being a troglodyte. God’s he’s a troglodyte. Man, troglodytes annoy me,” and it won’t be any funnier. In fact, it would be less funny because it would be more annoying. Plus, it’s really like repeating the same joke three times.

Chaos:

Forgot to mention that this is all custom background. Made it from a modified tilesheet. It took eons because of Bowser and Baby Bowser’s movement along the ‘level’. The Koopa gag just cracks me up, and you can thank Havoc for the Koopa dialogue, he came up with it on the bus.

Okay, let’s break this laughable piece of writing into two chunks so we can keep our sanity:

One, are you joking or something, Chaos? Because nobody’s stupid enough to think you created that background; it’s from SMB3—the SMAS variety, to be exact. You did add two other sprites and some text with that pipe—to the foreground. The background, however, is utterly derivative of Nintendo’s work.

Two, tell Havoc he can’t ever write for this comic, ever, or else you’ll make him another shitty birthday comic; because his humor is so awful it’s cancerous.

And… Wait, you ride the bus? I thought you were old enough to drink? Either you have very lenient or neglectful parents, or that had better be the metro. Then again, my parents once told me I could drink when I turned 17, so I have no room to complain. Maybe Chaos and Havoc just ride buses to schools they don’t go to because they’re creepy pedophiles or something, I don’t know. Why did you bring up this fucked-up subject anyway? Huh, reader?

Anonymous:

Dreamland? Why in the hell would there be a warp pipe that led to dream land?

Why would “Dreamland” change its name between your two sentences? Honestly, once you start to question the logic of a comic in which giant spiky turtles help marshmallows who wear masks and carry swords, you have to wonder where your life has gone. People who have read my other works, of course, know that I never question things such as this being too unrealistic. Never.

Chaos:

Part of the joke. Also, the fact that the pipe just happens to be big enough to fit Bowser into it. I return to a point I have told you many times: It’s not just a Mario-Land sprite comic.

What joke? You can’t just say something is a joke; it must actually have humor.

#29 – Bowser’s Old Friend…

Thanks for scrunching the actual important part of the comic in a corner, while the majority of the space is taken up by pointless background. Not to mention the walls of text—especially when the dialogue given is stupid itself. Way to show us all that you have no idea how to write for Meta Knight. I know, I know; Artistic License. That’s completely fine. But he could at least keep some resemblance of Meta Knight, or else just concoct an entirely new character; because Meta Knight might as well just be another person.

Anonymous:

Oh great. You’ve already given the Mario Bros. a bad name, but now Kirby? Why did you put a black and white background with colored sprites?

Seriously, this guy always has the first post, and he always puts a smile on my face. He’s also apparently back to the illegitimate criticism again, I see. It’s actually funny how all of the others just make up bullshit excuses to like the comic, while Anonymous makes up bullshit excuses to hate the comic.

Chaos:

Try reading the fricking comic before you comment, jackass. MetaKnight explains!

Woah, Chaos is bringing in those “frickings”! Which… isn’t even an authentic word, actually.

Nintendude:

Meta knight stole the colors of dreamland?

Seriously, this guy should work for the government; he could explain away any problem, no matter how ridiculous his arguments are. Get back in your Dilbert strip, you.

carclub1:

it actually does sound like mete knight if you imagined him saying it

And you know absolutely nothing about Meta Knight’s personality—or even how to spell his name, dumb ass. Meta Knight didn’t specifically want to go after Dedede. In fact, his alliance moved between being on Kirby’s side and being against Kirby, depending on circumstances. He’s not a villain; he just has a rivalry with Kirby, but is willing to set it aside when some true villain goes too far.

Oh wait, he did mention Meta Knight stealing all of Dream Land’s colors. So Chaos is the dumb one. Also, once again, Meta Knight—an honorable person—would not steal colors to hold for ransom to catch Kirby. And I know the joke is that his plan is stupid, but… Meta Knight wouldn’t come up with a plan that stupid in the first place. Besides, having someone do something stupid, and then having someone else call them stupid isn’t funny—it certainly wasn’t the millions of times other comic-creating hacks concocted that exact idea.

Filler #2 – F34r 7h3 R34p3r

Just know that it hurt me in ways impossible to explain to type that title out. No, I am not particularly fond of “l33t” language; sorry.

But it didn’t hurt as much as it did to view this lovely piece. Once I stop gagging from my ardent rage, maybe I’ll be able to contemplate exactly what is wrong with this comic.

How about I sum it up: There’s no joke. There’s nothing. He just thought up some random thought and plunked it down. And just watch that motherfucker say it made him “chuckle”. Chuckle my fucking ass. I’ve seen Family Circus comics funnier than this.

He didn’t chuckle. Even the Commander himself has standards, I guess. Not enough to not write this comic, though—or not write his comment as if it were a fucking advertisement.

Anonymous:

Stolen reaper sprite. Give credit to whoever made the sprite next time, or just make your own.

Or at least don’t tarnish their sprites by putting them in bullshit like this.

Chaos:

Who do you think you are, the freaking sprite police? If you hate my comic soooo much, don’t read it, moron!

Because of this quote right here I won’t feel bad at all if he shuts down his sprite comic and I put his comics up here. If he complains, I’ll just say “What are you, the sprite comic police?”

For the record, Chaos, I am the sprite police, and you have the right to remain silent. Please use that right and stop embarrassing yourself with these comments. Please consult your lawyer before you talk about copyright issues and show everyone how little you know about law.

shadowmaster:

Okay, I know this is an old post and I normally dont do this, but this guy is a RETARD.
Whoever you are, if you see this again, just shoot yourself…please. if anyone who stole a sprite got arrested, there would be nobody on DD. Now, as for whatever drugs you took to lower your IQ so much, that can be an arrestable offense.

Some rage at someone for making a pretty legitimate (and calm) argument. In fact, it’s ironically the logical arguments he makes that piss them all off. Maybe they’re just mad that they can’t think up a logical response. I know Nintendude tries, though; boy, he sure tries.

I’m not sure what “DD” is, but I’m guessing that it’s DrunkDuck. If that’s the case, his/her prospect of there being nobody on DrunkDuck sounds very promising. Could someone go arrest all of these other artists, please? I’m not sure where they would get the idea of anyone getting arrested—sued, maybe; but not arrested—but then again, I have a sneaking hint that none of these people have ever taken a class on law.

By the way, considering his mother is a crack whore, as he mentioned in his very revealing rant against himself, I wouldn’t make jokes about Anonymous taking drugs. Also, I think copyright infringement would be a much bigger offense than simply taking some substance that some other people think is bad—but that’s just my politics getting in the way. Actually, I think someone should get arrested simply for making this crime against quality before anyone gets arrested for taking drugs.

That said, I find it odd that Anonymous would complain about Chaos stealing someone else’s sprites when, you know, his entire comic consists of Nintendo, among others’, images used with their permission. Shit, I would be more scared of Nintendo knocking on my door than some whiny little shit whining in my comments section.

Duran:

O.O *claps slowly, then fast* Woo! go shadowmaster! way to tell this asshole off! love your comic, BTW. oh, and, 1 more time… WOOOOOOT!!! MCCLOUD KILLAGE!!!!! (I assure you, I have my reasons for hating Fox mcCloud. they may suprise you, they may not. all in due time…)

I would point out that shadowmaster didn’t make this comic—and he should feel blessed for being able to have that said about him—but I’m too busy wishing he said why he hates Fox so much.

#30 – OMG! BIG SWORD!

OMG! OBNOXIOUS TITLE!

By the way, I love those distracting white rectangles. I also love how Chaos once again shows his vital skill of writing a comic without any humorous content—or any entertainment value, truly. But, hey! Look at that ugly, distracting font! I’m sure Chaos will say that it took him ages to find.

Chaos decided not to comment this time; maybe he took my previous advice… by going forward in time and reading my comments before I posted them?

Anonymous:

Mario can beat Bowser himself, he’s been doing it for years, why would he hire someone to beat Bowser?

So Chaos can continually procrastinate from writing a real plot.

Chaos:

‘Cos he can’t be arsed to – it’s a running theme, the characters are bored of the same role over and over again.

Honestly, Chaos, you seem to see more in your comic than anyone else can find. I can’t find any of these themes or hidden jokes you seem to be talking about. Maybe I’m just not analyzing the text enough, like Anonymous does. Shit, Anonymous is writing his term paper on Bowser’s Plan B.

MontyEggman:

In other words, he’s “Trying something new”. You oughtta try it sometime.

“Trying something new”? It’s the same “joke” he used with Bowser for the past… well, entire comic, really. It still just amounts to “So-and-so gets DIFFERENT CHARACTER! (hur hur hur) to go after rival”, with consistently unfunny results. Just because he uses Mario instead of Bowser doesn’t mean it’s new—no matter how many extra t’s you put in the word “oughta”. Which technically isn’t even a real word, anyway.

Nintendude:

Ok Anonymous dude, you think Mario can defeat Bowser, baby koopa, all his minons, and Kamek?

Yeah, like he did in just about every game he’s been in?

Duran:

O.O … this… is… the best… comic… EVERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! it’s very funny, it’s nicely done, Fox mcCloud dies a bloody death, and now my favorite version of Link is gonna kick bowser’s ass! it’s… like, my d-dream come true! except I’m not the one who killed mcCloud, and I’m not with the girl of my dreams… but still, this has got to be the best comic I’ve ever seen. on a scale of 1 to 5, I give this comic as a whole: 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000! thats so high I don’t even know how to pronounce it… nicely done!

Seriously, get this guy some medication. By the way, you can’t just casually mention personal tidbits and expect others to know what the fuck you are talking about.

#31 – Weakline Foes

So… Kirby is afraid that Bowser killed his enemies, or is he afraid Bowser got hurt by a Crash enemy—both of which would actually benefit him?

And what dumb ass writes “…Kirby panics”? You know, it’s always the best cartoonists who describe the emotions the characters have in their comics, amirite? That’s a bad idea to do in books, much less a visual medium. We can tell he’s freaking out—we’re not that stupid.

Duran:

5! (sorry about my huge comment on the last comic, i couldn’t help myself. ^-^)

Just remember to keep taking your Ritalin, and you should be okay.

#32 – Squelch

That’s the sound everyone made when they saw this graphical garbage. Also, when they finally they get over the shock of how bad it looks and finally read the trite dialogue. A “there’s no place like home” gag? Never heard that one before.

Anonymous:

not funny. Just stupid.

I see a return to classic Anonymous here.

Chaos:

Odd, you’re the only person I know, (and I wish I didn’t know you, that you didn’t exist, you blip on an otherwise perfect universe), that hasn’t found this page amusing. Out of 26 people, you’re the only one to not like it.

Okay, stop laughing and let’s really look at this—*snicker*—response. First, you don’t know Anonymous—for God’s sake you just earlier complained about how he was too much of a pussy to show his face. In fact you know none of these people.

But we all really know why this is hilarious. Anonymous is the one person that is bad in this “perfect universe”? In Commander Chaos’ eyes, apparently. Hitler and Stalin had nothing on Anonymous. Fuck the Holocaust or the Rwanda genocide; Anonymous calling Chaos’ great masterpiece “not funny” is the biggest tragedy in the world!

And then they go on to bitch about how he won’t show his face; blah, blah, blah. I don’t care if you like this comic or not; if you have any logic in your brain, you must admit that these people are being hypocritical when they themselves don’t show their faces or use their real names. Besides, saying someone’s a coward for not using their real name is a weasel excuse; it doesn’t matter who the fuck they are, but whether what they say is legitimate. For example, a brilliant political idea would be just as brilliant if it were said by Barack Obama as it would be if it were told by “SegaMaster74”. You’re just out of ammunition.

Nintendude:

Hey anonymous guy make YOUR OWN comic and we will see how good you are!

And speaking of weasel excuses, here’s another common one. God, you people truly are stooping to lower levels, now aren’t you.

Duran:

He has a comic, he’s just too much of pussy to show himself. a big .,|,, to you Anonymous.

Yeah, period, comma, vertical line, comma, comma you, Anonymous!

lordlyhour:

do i love this comic ? yes i do if anyone is not in agreement i shall introduce you to my pet *calls giant hell hound* this is my pet

Threatening someone for not liking a comic? That’s just a new level of pathetic—even lower than his pathetic attempt at English. Seriously, has nobody on the internet gone to college? Because I can’t believe any of these people could ever pass their high school—no, middle school—English classes.

Read Bowser’s Plan B, Part Two

-JJW Mezun (Originally Published: May 7, 2010)

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One Response to Bowser’s Plan B Part One (Archive)

  1. Make a skilled sprite comic, then talk you pace of sheet.

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