Turning Points

This is a Sonic fan comic from the Sonic HQ’s “Fan Fair”—and if it’s a Sonic fan comic we know it’s gonna be great (for laughs).

That’s the most beautiful colored-pencil job I’d ever seen; it really heightens the emo rage Knuckles uses to literally stare that flower to death. What’s Knuckles got against flowers? Did they cause that creepy, smiley, giant robot head to haunt that echidna in the back, causing her lower-body to be replaced by a logo? I can’t wait to find out!

But first this beautiful, unreadable poetry. It was worth it, though: we really needed to see that echidna blushingly stare at her hand (to be fair, I would be embarrassed if I had a hand that big, too). And the flower! It’s going to attack her! Stop staring at your fist and run away, echidna—before it’s too late!

I love the last panel. Put yourself in this young woman’s shoes, answering the door to this… um, mentally exceptional expression of Knuckles’; can you blame her for looking so hesitant? Shit, I would have slammed the door.

“Knuckles… I noticed you aren’t wearing any pants. That’s… that’s interesting.”

I think she’s just using that “I usually don’t sleep in” excuse to hide the fact that she was trying to ignore all of his calls. I know she looks like she’s smiling in that last panel; but that’s just a smile of fear.

What is Knuckles sighing about? “Sigh. I was hoping she’d go naked, just like I am.” I hate to break it to you, Knuckles, but not every woman likes your weird kinks.

Speaking of kinks, holy shit does Julie have big feet—they’re literally almost the size of her entire upper body. And one of her feet looks crooked, like it’s broken; that would explain why she looks like she’s wearing casts and a patient coat.

And then we interrupt our sexy romantic comedy to see someone else have a schizophrenic attack, only to walk out in a furious daze to see the Grim Reaper’s devil-spawn children attack random wildlife. Okay, I guess.

“Ray the Squirrel! Your dead body disgusts me so much I’m going to throw it into this minivolcano!”

He seems pretty nonchalant about his squirrel friend being dead all of a sudden. From the looks of it he must be in the “denial” stage at this point.

I can accept anthropomorphic animals—even those that have giant, crooked feet—but I don’t think I can accept lasers making ka-bam! sounds.

What a delightful mess. Death’s demon spawn suddenly has a hysterical attack, causing his square toy gun to ker-bonk! on the nearest tree; meanwhile, Espio picks his nostril-less nose like a god damn ignoramus. Also, as the third-to-last panel shows, his mouth follows some sort of M. C. Escher kind of perspective.

“Hope I can get you to a hospital on time,” our Mighty says, smiling. Ha, ha, ha! Your friend needing medical assistance fast? That is a laugh riot!

Well, I’m glad to see that romantic introduction truly was explored later—I almost thought it was pointless. Phew!

Once Knuckles flailed awkwardly at everyone like a drunken manatee…

Last panel: Yeah, I would be angry if I had that stupid hat and haircut, too.

It says something when the villains are the most likeable characters of the story. Seriously, those guys are awesome.

“Sorry, guys: I can only rent this little tree house for two panels. For the rest we’ll have to make do with that empty white void down by Pac Highway.”

Okay, it’s official: Knuckles is some kind of robot. He stares blankly above her with his mouth wide open like a toddler that just learned how to talk while trying to emulate the average organism’s “emotion” protocol. Poor Knuckles: now we’ll have to watch him struggle to learn how to develop a—gasp!—heart! It’s bound to win an Eisner. Actually, fuck what I said before: poor us for having to sit through this!

Hospitals usually have signs that just say “Hospital” on them, without putting any kind of name to differentiate it from the numerous other hospitals that exist.

I think that doctor needs some medical help, actually: his mouth is so dysfunctional it is literally falling off of his face.

Oh, great, now you’ve made Knuckles become a vampire. Thanks, doc.

Well, that’s it. That was quick and painless. We were lucky this time.

-J.J.W. Mezun

Published: December 16, 2011

Turning Points by T2 and Duo

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About J. J. W. Mezun

J. J. W. Mezun wants you punks off his lawn.
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