Guess what, everyone? I totally lied about not doing anymore Pokémon comics. However, there is one thing different: these aren’t sprite comics. So not only am I doing something I clearly indicated I wouldn’t earlier; I’m also doing something that’s technically irrelevant to this blog.
These are all from some website called “The Otaku.com” that I found on Google randomly. All I know about this website so far (well, other than that they host fan comics, of course) is that they use “hugs” as their rating system, even though they show a picture of a hand giving a thumbs up. So if you want to potentially be sexually harassed by a bunch of hand-hugging manga fans, well… may I ask why?
The comic selection process I used was very elaborate—and by that I mean I chose whatever comics I could make the best jokes against.
Apparently, Sharin published this “for the challenge ‘It’s Good to Laugh!’”. Well, it was good to laugh, at least. I am glad that he dedicated this comic to such an important cause: you would be surprised at how many people out there think laughing is actually really dangerous. It’s really good of him to share with the world this medical breakthrough of his.
Sharin was nice enough to warn the reader to read right to left in the message below the comic, which would presumably be read after already struggling through the comic (as had happened to me.) Actually, I read both pages and didn’t notice I was reading it wrong until now, oddly enough.
When I first read this comic I thought that bush our structurally-challenged protagonist hides behind was actually a wig for the fake-female Voltorb. It might have been due to the fact that bushes generally aren’t made out of squiggly lines; though I’ll admit some of them might be. I mean, considering this one can just magically appear in panel three, I guess all bets are off.
And so ends our protagonist’s adventure fucking with some random Voltorb hanging out in a forest—as Voltorbs were wont to do in Pokémon games. I can’t help worrying about what kind of twisted mind finds tricking random Pokémon into kissing inanimate objects. Didn’t you read the “It’s Good to Laugh!” rules, Sharin? It specifically said nothing above PG-13.
Aw, look at that Quagsire’s rape face!
…I mean, uh, look at that trainer’s ugly eyes! Ugh.
And could you have at least pretended to use a ruler, twiliwolf? It looks like the comic is collapsing on itself the further on it goes.
It says something when the description at the bottom has much more content than the actual comic itself. Okay, so this is just the cover page—and a pretty interesting one, too. I mean, Pokémon and zombies? That’s gotta at least have something interesting to see, right?
Exciting text! It’s too bad Deidara couldn’t fit this all in the large message he or she wrote below the previous comic.
And the best part? If you actually paid attention to the text in this page you’ll notice Diedara practically disregards the most important rules for the Nuzlocke challenge, ensuring that this will be an exercise in irrelevance.
Oh, boy, another Nuzlocke comic. And apparently this will be another hacked Pokémon rom. Except this time there’s no information on how this game was hacked; so we can assume that this rom will just have the dialogue be a bunch of random profanity or some characters wearing funny hats.
Oh, come the fuck on! Well, at least MoonsMedley bothered to fucking follow the god damn rules.
If twiliwolf really wanted this comic to be good he or she would have made it about John Travolta and Nick Cage wearing each other’s faces and having a Sentret battle on a speed boat.
And how do you make such a simple comic so blurry? You know, there are these things called “GIFs” and “PNGs” that let you make simple-color comics like this without making the reader feel like he’s drunk. Note that this is a smaller version of the image; the full-size version is even worse. (I just noticed that this image was a PNG. That means he must have intentionally made it all blurry. Well, I guess I can’t question such an avante garde artiste.)
I love it when comic creators try to make fun of things in Pokémon games that were already jokes in the first place. It’s especially better when the creator explains the joke before the punchline and then makes it all really, really blurry.
Hee, hee! Look at those little guys dance!
…I mean, no! God damn it! I said we’re not doing this shit!
(Truth be told, the comics themselves seem to overdo it a bit on the cutesy anime expressions, anyway. I mean, there are only so many times you can rely on that for humor before it gets boring.)
Oh, man! Look at how edgy this shit is! Look at all of the sharp lines! Alright! I should have guessed this much from someone whose name is the words “wolf”, “shadow”, and “lurker” put together.
This comic is so edgy, in fact, that you can’t even read the dialogue because it is so small. Oh, wait: is that in French? Well, that just makes this shit even more edgy! The author was nice enough to provide a translation. But fuck that shit: I ain’t wasting my time posting that all here. If you can’t read French, well, maybe it’s time to learn.
Here, I’ll give you a snippet: “ You betrayed me, I who cried at your grave!” That should be enough to know that you don’t want to read the rest.
You know, I didn’t even realize until now that this comic was about Jesse and James; I simply thought it was about a bunch of scratchy pencil lines. Oh wait, it still looks that way.
When 1,525,353 people have already taken a username, perhaps it would be better to choose a different one. Just an idea.
Okay, I can’t even recognize what language this is supposed to be in. In the second panel I can somewhat see “go away!!”; but the sixth panel’s dialogue looks like Japanese to me. So, instead, I will try to interpret this comic without the use of dialogue:
Okay, so two ladies with giant hands greet each other in their own language, “Wllol Zm allv_”; Weavile tells her to fuck off, after stitching her mouth closed so she can never use that language again. See, Weavile is totally a fucking fascist, and he hates any non-English language. Flower-haired lady in the third panel smells something really bad—so bad she breaks into tears—even though she has no nose; this smell causes Weavile to have a seizure, while he worries about what this smell could mean. It seems what Weavile worried about was this Gardevoir arriving, who slaps Weavile while cursing him in Japanese. I believe the rough translation is, “Death to the fascist corporate pig!” See, Gardevoir is a communist, which is why she hates Weavile so much because communists and fascists totally hate each other. This shocks Weavile and that woman from the first panel nobody remembered because nobody’s ever stood up to Weavile’s fascist oppression until now (it turns out that it’s really easy, really). Flower-haired girl’s head is now really stinky. The end.
I can’t wait until the movie adaption.
The only mystery here is how a Sneasel giving a Hitmonlee a snow cone is supposed to be funny. My best guess is that I am supposed to admire Hitmonlee’s excellent imitation of Golgo 13.
Rei-syn does hint at this comic’s “joke”: “Am I the only person that wonders how a Hitmonlee eats?” I would assume yes. I can’t believe Rei-syn never touched on any of the other important mysteries of the Pokémon world, such as how Hitmonlees can pee without penises. Hasn’t anyone else ask themselves these pertinent questions?
Also, apparently this is a “ remake of a picture I did many moons ago when photoshop was nonexistent…” This is amazing considering Photoshop has existed since 1990, long before Pokémon was released.
This comic was certainly very important in the fight for gay rights in the world of Pokémon. But just in case you’re one of those people who holds up signs saying “Arceus Hates Fags”, don’t worry: this comic is so blurry and light that you can’t really see anything, anyway. I can see Pikachu laughing at the end… for some reason. I guess Pikachu’s just a creepy voyeur or something. What will the children think, Pikachu?
This comic received seven hugs, five kisses, and twenty hot, steamy se… oh yeah, this is about Pokémon, isn’t it. Now I feel creepy for telling this joke.
Yes! Another scribbly mess! Alright! And this one seems to have nothing to do with Pokémon, too! Awesome!
Also, I can understand some might have some difficulty with the English language, especially if it is a second language; but when you are naming your comic after an English word, well, you might want to make extra sure that it is spelled right. I guess I can blame that whole dumb “’I’ before ‘E,’ except after ‘C’” rule for causing this mistake, since it clearly shows itself to be wrong for the word “caffeine”.
All of those drops of water are the tears from all of the readers, crying over the terrible cut-off-ness of this cover page. I expected something better from someone with the name “magicalmeowmeow”.
I don’t know what’s worse: that the author looked at this and said, “Yup, this is good,“ or that this will be a story about a creature known as a “Squizzle,” which is probably the author’s stupid name for a Squirtle. Then again, there are a few explanations for this mess: for one, this comic was apparently made by a cat; and if not, well then perhaps that flat-headed woman in the bottom-right created it—presumably after her lobotomy.
In Brock’s defense, if I was missing my entire lower body I would be pretty bitter, too; and I might take out that anger on random animals, also. Then again, he can magically fly, so clearly he doesn’t have too much to complain about.
Answer: Because shadow princess drew him.
So I guess the real reason is because his dad is a neglective drunk and some girl bumped into him one time. I guess the joke is that this is all a shaggy dog story and it’s just all random and, whatever.
Also, the author seems to shift from right-to-left reading to left-to-right reading between panels one and two. If that’s not the case, then either Misty asked Brock was his face was so funny in the middle of his story, which is very rude; or he got bumped into before his dad decided to get plastered, which would make him even more of a deadbeat… and then the girls leave before one of them apologizes, which would make her have teleportation powers.
Okay, I know this truly is in Japanese. And the dialogue in the first panel has a stupid gradient behind it, which doesn’t look awkward at all.
Oh yeah: and this comic takes place during a solar eclipse.
Anyway, if I were to guess what this comic is about, I would assume one of pimp Mickey Mouse’s Club whores found a dead, mutated Mew on the ground… except its eyes are open. So she’s probably just panicking after seeing the fucked-up mess that is supposed to be Mew’s head.
Um… I can’t even tell if this is work-safe or not. Man, what is with all of these raging Pokésexuals all over the place? Augh.
Allow me to bullet-point all of the problems with this work:
- This is not a particularly clever concept, which is very much in line with the average Pokémon webcomic.
- Ash’s dialogue gets cut-off two times, which is two times too many.
- Everything looks like its colored with crayons and colored pencils: you can only use one, not both.
- Pikachu looks like a mutated chimp in the fourth panel.
- I really want to punch the Ash in the second panel in the face.
Also, I might have included Ash missing his arms in the final panel as an error, but it is quite clear that is because he cut off both of his arms with a chainsaw due to the immense sorrow he felt from missing out on catching a shiny Pokémon.
The author claims that this comic took “a total of three days to do.” I assume the majority of this time was spent going to the store to buy his or her crayons and looking up what mutated chimps looked like.
At the very least, luluseason is perceptive, since he or she clearly knew the exact expression every reader would have after reading this comic.
I decided to save the best for last. Remark at its beauty!
Published: November 25, 2011